take it higher.

Milton: The Reason of Church Government

2012-01-13T16:57:00.000-08:00

Did God take such delight in measuring out the pillars, arches, and doores of a materiall Temple, was he so punctuall and circumspect in lavers, altars, and sacrifices soone after to be abrogated, lest any of these should have beene made contrary to his minde? is not a farre more perfect worke more agreeable to his perfection in the most perfect state of the Church militant, the new alliance of God to man? should not he rather now by his owne prescribed discipline have cast his line and levell upon the soule of man which is his rationall temple, and by the divine square and compasse thereof forme and regenerate in us the lovely shapes of vertues and graces, the sooner to edifie and accomplsh that immortal stature of Christs body which is his Church, in all her glorious lineaments and proportions.

Milton: The Reason of Church Government

The hurtful things they call words

2011-08-11T08:42:00.000-07:00

Darling, was Father unkind to you again?
Don't cry now, I am listening.
I know, his forceful words penetrate your chest like sharp knives
And play in your head like frolicking demons.

You wish to never be anything like him,
Save the faith you have in God.
Even God spoke gently to you in His rebuke.

Sacrifice? Ah, a noble facade.
Failure to consider another girl's feelings is failure to love.

I'm so sorry you had to live with him.
I hope he gets better, impossible as it seems.
Unfortunately the medicine was lost with his own...

Father, things are unlikely to change after all.

will i move on?

2011-03-13T05:16:00.000-07:00

finally?

i'm not sure.
only God knows.

but for now, may they see the picture of Your glory in the fractals of my love.
put them together for me, God.

books. books. books.

2011-02-27T04:51:00.000-08:00

I am rediscovering the joy of reading again after the longest time of mulling around in music.

there is much ground to be gained from prized literature and precious classics, to see how humankind has grappled with issues eternal since the dawn of ages.

and what a comfort it is, to realise that Christ is still central and relevant.
the foolishness of God still trumps the world's finest wisdom.

intriguing.

need to confess

2011-02-20T17:08:00.000-08:00

that things are not well.

that i let my pride manifest ITSELF in ways unimaginable.

I will not allow Satan to get a foothold in me like that.

God, please soften my heart again. For the things you love. For the people you've chosen.

For the hope of Christ.

That none should perish.

Break me again

2011-02-06T07:16:00.000-08:00

I wanna go back to the days when I was more like David and less like who I am now.

When I would just turn away from my work and wait on the Lord and be honest with Him in my tears, murmurs and my guitar.

When I didn't get hooked on this dependency to feel something from what I hear and what I produce.

When I could honestly say I was just singing for my King.

Speak to me in the silence, Jesus.
Don't let me stumble on in this fruitless search for meaning.

Break me again.

Christless

2011-01-11T01:06:00.000-08:00

thinking about what I did, it was so stupid.

i was Christless in action and speech.

bring me back to You God.

this has been a sobering year.

2010-12-18T08:00:00.000-08:00

every year gets tougher. this one's been really tough.

God help me.

i refuse

2010-12-09T21:10:00.000-08:00

I think the tension's finally going to give way to an explosion.

All along I've cramped this awe-inspiring vision of using music as a medium for the only world-changing thing a Christian should know (God's love) into pretty manageable, bite-sized, chewable bits like lead-worshipping, prayer, uploading encouraging videos and performing for friends. Okay.

But I'm tired. Tired of singing for people's entertainment. Tired of pleasing others. Tired of convincing myself that that's all God's wonderful gift on me can go. There's an unmistakable passion deep inside that's yearning to see people more than touched, but changed and driven to action. Music's pretty pointless if all it does is leave a thought or two, or a bunch of people clapping and moving on like nothing's changed or nothing needs to be changed.

My heart goes out to the poor and suffering (injustly), those hungry for a sure hope, and those who already have found their secure hope in Christ but are denied the rights to Christian faith and worship. These are things the world shoves under the carpet, behind the curtains and every other possible place to hide it. But the light of God's love unveils all.

Already I can see in my mind the faces of familiars shaking at me in bewilderment. What would make a prospective law student who's done reasonably well academically, living a comfortable life, and sticking with a respectable group of friends give himself for the least of these? Nobodies? Forgettables?

Try God's Love. In His eyes, everybody is somebody to Him. No one is forgettable.

I'm SICK of Singaporean comforts. Comfort dulls out the cries of people around the world for different needs (yes, needs, not wants) and leaves us thinking it'll be too much trouble even to find out more about the plight of these people.

I really don't want to live like I don't care.
I really don't want to say another empty prayer.

Tell me what to do, God. What to do.

Because I refuse to watch and do nothing.

reflections

2010-11-08T02:41:00.001-08:00

I am here at a community centre surrounded by boisterous girls who've just ended their ballet class. I smile at the conversations of parents about extra classes and arrangements to bring their children for such enrichment classes. I wonder how many of these girls are here by choice. They seem happy enough.

But I bet they'd be happier spending time with their parents. Oh, for the woes of our competitive environment in Singapore today. Middle-class working parents are always on the lookout for courses to specialize their kids and help them distinguish themselves. For their good, of course. Kids need choices to be made for them at early ages. They don't know what's good for themselves yet, right?

I realise how packed my week is going to be even after my ORD. Apparently things have cropped up at office and I'm going to have to meet my ex-colleagues for brunch on Sat, hopefully at a nearby place (unlikely) and it's going to be vegetarian. Hmm. I wonder how Hui Peng is doing for his A-levels!

Tues is packed with a medical check-up to attend and COOLIOS people Kim and ZE to meet up :) encouragement, bonding and mentoring session yes? :D

Wed marks the start of work and I'm getting hyped up about it! 4 army boys reunite with a common purpose of talent development of young potential stars for the great red dot that is Singapore. Haha. So high-falutin.

Sat rehearsal, Sunday church. Man, I really haven't gotten into the holiday mood. It's just a transition from NS work to civilian work. Kin Nam gimme some advice on how you transited! :D

I am utterly convinced over the issue of redemption (pre/post-conversion) that only the Holy Spirit can convict of sin, righteousness and judgment (as again, pre/post-conversion), only Jesus can save and these can only happen as the Father so wills it.

Often I ask myself what I should be doing for friends who've fallen short though they claim to be Christians. The Holy Spirit wastes no time in reminding me that I too, am a sinner, saved by grace and have no advantage over my fellow Christian. Their struggle/failure/sin is between them and God. And my mum made a very astute observation, that God will not continue to prosper the ministry of such people who run things on their own effort or wisdom, believing themselves to be justified by a standard of righteousness apart from God's provision.

I am utterly surprised how people can twist the Word of God and make highly tenuous links between Scripture in order to justify their interpretation while they conveniently cast doubt over clear commands in the Word by questioning the translator's interpretation or that of the Prophets themselves. After all, prophecy never had its origin in the will of man, but men spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit. (2 Pet 1:21)

Sometimes I do wonder if it is wise to disregard the specificities of the Mosaic Law by glossing it with the two greatest commandments "Love the Lord thy God with all of your life" and "Love thy neighbour as thyself" as we run into ethical dilemmas over homosexuality/abortion rights of the mother/euthanasia for the suffering when we start to ask "Okay, so how do we show love to people concerned in such matters?"

My take on this is that the Bible still holds very clear standards for such issues today. And sometimes people don't recognise true love when they see it. How many people recognised that Jesus came in true perfect love? Not as a threat to authority or as a heretic, but a willing sacrifice lamb. Paul the apostle exhorts us to speak the truth in love, love that builds a person up and does not tear him down. But I believe that there is necessity for such love to tear down the very establishments in a person's heart that have been set up against the truth of God. Not by means of violent force or statutory obligation, but rather by peaceful yet firm admonishment.

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. (2 Cor 10:5)

Love never makes compromises to leave people in their state of sin. As the hallowed passage on Love goes:

Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. (1 Cor 13:6)

God is always good.

2010-10-26T16:38:00.000-07:00

Even when things are crazy-bad.

This is my last duty and it was really one to affect future generations of duty personnel for months to come. Rearranged the place like crazy but the fruit of labour is certainly very pleasing.

I remember the times i was rotting away in some of my other vocations...was asking God why and what was my purpose there.

Now that I've been through all this, I see how he's shaped me into someone so much more stronger and wiser in Him.

iLight Marina bay looks awesome! Thanks Mun for sharing. How do you always get to know about all the cool stuff :D

kibs and zhi-en see you soon! missed you guys for a bit.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FELILY!! :)

Now I Know

2010-10-25T02:59:00.000-07:00

When I go to US of A I know which two music festivals I want to head down to:

Ichthus Festival - for my fix of Contemporary Christian Artists
Joshua Fest - Where Indie Christian musicians are born

Why don't any festival sites have HQ videos of artists performing?!

I've been covering quite a few songs of late. Spot me on FB if you can! :D

Love,
Jerome

You Are On Our Side - Bethany Dillon

in love with the world, myself or Christ?

2010-09-30T16:56:00.000-07:00

Today I took time to reflect. To reflect.

On the things that I've thought. That I've said. That I've done. That my mind's worried about/constantly processing.

Me. ME. All I think about is me and what I want. How I've been unjustly treated, how things seem so unfair. How my entitlements and rights have been eroded time and again. How my songs talk about my faith, my life and my views. How my ministry depends alot on what I do and what I deem as right.

I am in love with myself.

Others. OTHERS. Those niggling thoughts that keep me self-conscious and worried about what others might think or say of me if I do this, say this, sing this. Blah blah. So I choose to retreat into neutrality. Stay quiet cos' you don't want anything negative. Close yourself up in a shell of safety.

In love with others and myself.

What about that man you thought you'd put all your faith, hope and love in? That Man they call Christ? Sure, you wear your faith on your sleeve and you do all the right things that would give you the title of a "devout Christian" as the world would see it. You know the right words to pray, the right songs to sing, the right things to teach. You get into the right circles. You're there as the world sees it.

But we have to ask the honest, hard questions. What does God see? What does God seek?

More and more I'm finding that God doesn't need more religiosity to accomplish his plans. He needs people who are madly enough in love with Him to say that something is wrong about us keeping His love stale within our confined racial/religious/ethnic enclaves when it should be overflowing into other communities, healing and restoring the broken and setting the captives free (and doing it!). He seeks people who will lay down their personal security and sense of well-being to get out there and accomplish the great things He has set forth since the dawn of ages.

And He needs us. Not because we are anything. But because He chooses, out of His sovereignty, prevenient grace and great love, to work through us. The Lord of the universe caring to work with mere mortal men and even considering accomplishing His perfect will through our flawed reasoning and understanding of everything we know. (Insert better word for 'wow')

He didn't call us the hands and feet of Christ for no reason. If we really desire to know so badly whether we are in the body of Christ, obviously the first thing we should consider is if we are acting under the headship of Christ as his hands and his feet to a world that is broken and hurting. A world that believes it is self-sufficient, that is blind to the weight of sin upon its shoulders and the beauty of Love crucified and resurrected.

We need to be the hands that open the blind eyes, unlock the deaf ears and the feet that go with the message of God's loving salvation all around.

Like I said, I know the right stuff that makes a "good Christian"
Now God, help me forget me because me will never get me anywhere near that. Help me to think, eat, sleep, talk, breathe, listen, think of, sing of nothing but You. Because the world's got enough of religion.

It's time they saw You. In me fading so the Light of the world may take His rightful place.

More like falling in Love - Jason Gray

today is another day

2010-09-11T00:11:00.000-07:00

Today is another day I tell myself it's time to get off my drug. Cos I can't find the fix music used to give me anymore. And I'm wise to turning it up till my eardrums burst. It's not that I don't play music well enough - I think my heart's been misplaced and I left it out for them (wolves) to tear and rip apart a creation so divine and pure for lusts so unholy and unrighteous. Music feeds my flesh but to the neglect of the Spirit. I am a monstrosity, swirling ever in the pages of bands I find but restlessly wandering to find some peace. I don't know what I'm doing. My earphones are like chains that keep me bound to my addiction. I am a slave to the sound.

Jesus, save me. Cos' the songs will never be enough. Never.

Sometimes Your holy silence is the only peace I have.

PLC

2010-09-08T03:12:00.000-07:00

Nope. Not Pasir Laba Camp but Preemptive Love Coalition. Check out their visionary mission with a faith-driven inspiration (left).

These are people who let their actions speak louder words, who lift high the name of Jesus by showering His love all around to men, regardless of their race or cultural/political position.

It is a pristine declaration of Jesus' clarion call to love your enemies, and to do good unto those who harm you.

Unthinkable love on a cross. Meant for us to emulate.

Think about it.

We can overcome hate with love.

***

awesome weekend, awesome week ahead

2010-09-05T02:41:00.000-07:00

This is one of the best weekends I've had in a long time. Last week I found courage not of my own to speak out against long-standing issues and truly, God lifts the humble and weak who cry out to him. Will he not secure justice for those who cry unto him day and night? He is faithful and his hand is near to save.

You hear, O Lord, the desire of the afflicted; you encouage them, and you listen to their cry, defending the fatherless and the opressed, in order that man, who is of the earth, may terrify no more. Psalm 10

I took the off-day I had last Friday to do really cool stuff:
- Read my bible (which I missed doing like the whole week because I was running around and worrying)
- Recorded a new song - could be my best yet! (Call On Me)
- Wrote the song analysis to Can I? and it's astonishing how much meaning God put into this Spirit-inspired song. Mindblowing stuff.
- Rehearsed in Antioch Hall at church for the first time ever! It was great because we were all playing/singing facing each other and it was like we were worshiping together and not just rehearsing.
- Announced the big news of my involvement in YPM camp to the people there last Fri night :D

Saturday was exceptionally fruitful as well - i woke to two KitKat bars and then headed to meet Coach Ben for a lift to ECP where I made a great 10k run and had a joyous reunion with my AHM team! I think God was especially speaking to me during that run because I saw so many Indians just enjoying a day at the beach/park, and He was saying to me: I love them just as much as I love you - shouldn't you love them too?

I guess the bad experiences I've had with she-who-must-not-be-named have marred my image of what is really a peaceful minority living in Singapore. In fact, I was inspired to research more on Deepavali and understand the faith of Hinduism better.

Southern Ridges was a well-planned event! The handout framed the topic of evangelism in such an approachable manner and gave informative details on things like methods, style and the heart of it all. The stations were spaced out well so it wasn't rushed. Managed to get some shots of monkeys monkeying around. And in a game where we play-acted as shepherds/wolves/sheep, I got to be the wolf twice and the shepherd once - which made for pretty interesting results. But I got sunburnt somehow. It's lightly done on the outside, thankfully. :)

I just jumped and leapt my way through Awesome Is The Lord Most High - because God has indeed lifted the weight of burden and oppression off my shoulders! :D

Felicia spoke at YPM! Wow. How to define her teacher-preacher style? But anyway I felt the core of the message was to live out the mercy and grace that we as Christians live in. To demonstrate the forgiveness of the Father in our lives. Applied to my office situation obviously. And the motley crew of the big strong man (me), Jing, Jack and Kibs went to ECP to recce and plan for Esquared, our cell multiplication event :D

Things are moving for good! Today (Sunday) was super-productive too.

I was inspired reading Acts and wondering how God moved through Peter, Paul and the apostles. How the signs and wonders just came and how people just believed. How unschooled ordinary men became frontline generals of God's kingdom-army of peace.

Also sent out my SECRET invitation to the MM leaders to assist me in my SECRET project: I shall so title it Kingdom Sound =)

And I finally applied for the MOE Teaching Internship Programme! TJC FTW man. I'm so gonna meet you again Ms Norsheha (my all-time No. 1 English teacher, GP to be specific)

Time to revise my PEELs and GP notes. But I have so much free time on my hands before that. Sweet.

Time to clear off and leave soon! And Siew's ORD-ing this week. Can't believe it. Haha.

Here's to an awesome God-led four day work-week. Cheers!

i am crucified with Christ

2010-08-25T18:12:00.001-07:00

I've been very touched by Watchman Nee's book "The Spiritual Man".

I'm beginning to have a realisation of how prevalent my flesh is in my life. Thank you Holy Spirit for opening my eyes to see that even the noblest ideals of my flesh can only but poorly serve my God. Anything that is of self must be crucified.

My pride, my right to welfare, my prerogatives. All I lay down at the cross and nail it there, to never allow it to function again. Bold words, but I will meditate on them.

Help me to see that I need you Holy Spirit, to apply the work of the cross daily to my flesh, crucifying not only the sins of my flesh but the self-righteousness that issues out of it, which is utterly as unrighteous as sin in God's eyes. May I never establish a righteousness apart from Christ, which is gained by God's grace through faith.

You are a good God. And I will follow you.

10 things i wanna do before my blinkers go out (music)

2010-08-21T01:25:00.000-07:00

I wanna:

1) Soak it up at Ichthus 2011 - June 15-18 (get free wristband as a volunteer + convince the parents at home why I wanna do it + get the $ for flight and accomodation)
2) Finally wean myself off Facebook by end 2011 (actually quite impossible once I enter college)
3) Get an iPhone
4) Learn to jam on an electric guitar
5) Start a mini worship band in uni :D
6) Write an album of 15 worship songs!
7) Learn a useful European language
8) Go for a long mission/humanitarian trip (like 1 month?)
9) Teach myself to play acoustic like Josiah James
10) Build a montage made out of album art from my favourite artists (indie and mainstream)

Music is such a beautiful gift, God.
I want to embrace you with it like you've embraced me with nail-pierced arms.

jumping dog

2010-08-19T23:16:00.000-07:00

that's the name of the new game I found to keep myself entertained :D

it's this cute dog-flying game where you hit balloons to keep going up. So it pretty much involves only the mouse. no strategy...just keep going up-up- and UP! anyway.

i'm still thinking what I should do with my free time when I'm outta army!!! sure, i'll give myself a big treat and everything, but money's not like water. hmm, i think i shall read up on law! international law. and learn them big law words. I'm ready for a little more reading then I'm accustomed to.

SM wants to use com now...bye!

Enoch...how should I see you as now?

2010-08-18T04:28:00.002-07:00

Prep for Prayer night has been pleasantly progressing along even though we're midway into the final week (apart from the gaping ?s for certain groups to which ICs have not been assigned). I'm in such suspense to hear about the results of all the preparatory work for the Night itself - since i won't be able to see it...

Now I think Enoch is a very weird concept to me...should I see it as the founding group? Or as a completely new group like Ephraim? Maybe it doesn't matter much. But to any of my Enoch members who might be reading this, it seemed good to the Holy Spirit and us (Kimberley, Zhi-En and myself) [Acts 15:28] to cast the vision for Enoch as:
Every Moment Set Apart

I'll be sending an email to all Enochians on this soon! My sms-ing is a complete fail cos it doesn't get through to people's phones so I'm gonna operate via email this period. I still can receive SMSes and calls and make calls too though! :D

Big boss dialogue round the corner. Now it's his turn to say, "Jerome, gonna ORD soon right?"

It just keeps getting better. Praise my Lord!

FREEDOM!

2010-08-14T17:01:00.000-07:00

for a day.

booking out on sunday morn and booking in on sunday night..

not as bad as paul who's only booking out on sunday noon! poor thing.

this morning I woke at 1.15am to rotate wakeful shifts with my duty clerk and overstayed my shift :) was typing out my first email to my 2 beautiful ALs as an L! Wow!

Things are gonna get exciting as I prep for YPM Camp, Songfest (I have 3 songs! presentable ones la haha) and yes, the final stages of the multiplication.

ORD is around the corner!! 2 months or so :)

I'm gonna bring a smile to your sunday morning guys! catch you there :D

and my parents are asking me to plan my leave days...hols are coming man!! :)

TO ZHIZHI: sorry i missed the camp recce/video filming :)

every moment set apart

2010-08-13T18:45:00.000-07:00

today i awoke to the sound of my preset alarm at 6.30 am for the run i scheduled.
*resets alarm to 6.45*
DEET!
*resets to 7*
DEET!
*resets to 7.15*
DEET!
*resets to 7.30*
DEET!
*shuts it off*

i had resolved the night before that today would be a day set apart no matter what. it was exactly the right kind of reframing that my perspective desperately needed. I need get it into my head that my relationship with God isn't dependent on circumstances.

though I'm not gonna be there for ZE during his first YPM lesson today.
though I'm not gonna be there for High Praise.
though I'm definitely gonna be late for church tomorrow.

my life is hidden with Christ. I have surrendered ALL my life to Christ and not a day, hour or moment is gonna make me think I'm less close to God than I already am by the blood of my Lord and Savior.

Rejection on two counts.
goodbye to the AHM Team Dream.
goodbye to a friend who'll return overseas soon.

Acceptance on one count - the only acceptance that really does.
Love, grace and forgiveness through Christ my Lord.

There's so much that I want to accomplish today.
But I'm asking the wrong question.

What do You want me to accomplish today?

ran. like shuttle run 10X. then did some upper torso work to get the sweat out. phew. it is definitely not the best idea to be working out on a half-empty stomach with jamie oliver's cooking show on.

*seven hours later*

okay, had a nap (whoa didn't think i was that busted), picked up my guitar and wrote half-a-song! watched LOTSA youtube guitar covers and tutorials and listened to Leeland :D:D:D wanna learn to sing and play Caleb and Sol songs!

Time to collect dinner :)
*waves goodbye*

ok. now what?

2010-08-10T06:33:00.000-07:00

alright. so i didn't get the deal i expected. have to train and still have to go back to work.

the "perfect" plan in imperfect hands - ruined. in Chinese terms it'd be "Heaven's making fools of us."

God has my attention now.

I realised a very simple but key principle that I've so easily forgotten amidst my life of busying myself with a myriad of little things. We pray not in reaction to situations, but we pray to a truly awesome God to know Him.

Some people of late have been re-emphasizing the value of quiet time and yea sure, I'd say what I do half the time would probably count: reading my Bible, plugging into Christian audiobooks, drenching in Christian music, browsing Christian sites and Adobe Acrobat Documents (aka PDFs), flipping another Christian paperback...the list goes on. People around me don't take an hour to know I'm a Christian.

But what does it mean to be a Christian? Does it just mean avoiding the wrong stuff and saturating myself with Christian content? Not that it is wrong of itself. But I'm being convicted by a simple lesson which I've often hastily dismissed without a second thought:

The reason why the Dead Sea is dead, is because it takes and takes and takes, but never gives.

Not me, for sure. I'd say with that air of confidence I now know I was wrong to have.

Recent readings/thoughts/prayer/videos/sermons/people have reminded me that the Christian life is not only about spiritual growth and refinement of knowledge. It's also about spiritual fruit and the application of knowledge (ie. wisdom)

Love is obedience. And it took me three minutes to finally get away from the screen earlier on to pray for two people dear to me when the Spirit prompted me to - culprit: Bejeweled Blitz.

Silly Jerome and his noble ideas - pray for the poor and persecuted? Not a chance when you find it so difficult to pull yourself away from self-entertainment just to pray for people ALREADY DEAR TO YOU.

Reminder that I am a work in progress.

Yet love is found in the simplest of actions, unintentional but beautiful when discovered. I wondered why I found myself sweeping the floor earlier on only to realise I was probably addressing the reason why so many people fall sick after orderly duty.

Hmm.

Ok, off to wash my clothes! Life of an army man yup. :)

directions directions directions

2010-07-28T22:37:00.000-07:00

i just had lunch with mum. she asked me about my plans for the future.

to be honest, i really don't know what to do with my time.

sometimes I feel like i'm losing touch with the world. afraid to find work, afraid to ask for help, afraid to try something new.

i gotta wreck my guitar. i gotta drop my familiar melodies. i gotta get out of this cycle of comfort.

i think i've taken so much for granted. cellgroup, friends, God, church, sometimes I feel so sick of my selfish self-centred selfity-self.

i feel so sick of trying to walk a tightrope between being completely sold out for Christ and being supersensitive to what others will think of me.

i need to pray. for God knows my confusion and struggles and will set me free.

ecp run - shiok!

2010-07-28T15:19:00.000-07:00

yesterday was pretty spectacular.

16 km of wind, rand and sand (what rand, i mean rain haha) along an ECP coastal route really drew out every prayer and thought from me to keep me focused on not losing pace and starting to walk. I was completely selling my thoughts out to declaring in my mind that Jesus will reign - and that was pretty much the theme of the self-made song in my head that i sang on the arduous 8km journey after the turning point, which seemed so much longer because of fatigue and natural elements.

Thank God for his grace and provision in sustaining me to the end! Feel such a sense of relief and gratefulness for His word - His word of promise that I would finish well. I was asking Him if I'd make it into the top 6, and He told me that I'd have to trust Him completely and run it like it was His run, not mine. So I kept telling myself, "Cling on to His word of promise! Don't lose heart. Keep fighting the good fight."

I think the most beautiful part of the run (though my legs were burning and my nose was stuffy) was when I ran under some great trees (tall and leaves like broom bristles?) and I was just having my head up looking at the heavens - God asked me these things:

God: "Those trees, who made them?"
Jerome: "You did."
G: "The beach and the sea to your left?"
J: "You did."
G: "The air you're breathing now?"
J: "You did."
G: "This body that's carried you this far?"
J: "You did."
G: "The soul of yours that's fighting and striving on for a crown?"
J: "You did."

And it suddenly hit me, that I was in my Father's world - giving me this otherworldly sense of security I've never known before. God always surprises me each time He bestows His unsurpassed peace - it's never the same. It might be the way in which it hits you but you do realise a Master Artist is at work here.

Even though the wind, rain and sand was strong, I felt safe and secure in my Father's world.

And i finished 5th! Now waiting for result-tallying. Let's find out on Fri. :)

70 days to freedom...and into the Great Unknown

2010-07-22T06:37:00.000-07:00

It's been fun while it lasted.

Like TOTALLY NOT. NS has been one of the most mind-whacking experiences I've had in my short 20 years of life. (rat skitters past for the 3rd time to that makeshift ladder of a metal stake, fly whizzes by my ear for the 39209358320th time, probably mad at my massacre of 2 brothers of his)

thank you for that call, fel! I almost totally forgot I had a weekend life. The weekend work is actually messing up my concept of time.

so, after two years in army, what advice would I have for my budding mates?

BE SHREWD. SHREWD as SERPENTS.
Yet be gentle and innocent like doves.

it's gonna be your first real bite of reality coming outta school and all so you better know where you stand on things like faith, friends and finances (save for uni you know!)

don't blow your salary away on the weekend.
don't quit on God.
don't lose touch wit cha' frens yo!

start picking up something you like!
start choosing your words wisely. (if you haven't been)
start telling your mom and dad you love them.

write a song.
write a story.
write about somebody other than yourself.

think about life. (more)
think about love.
think about what you were made for.

a messed up day, a good day

2010-07-01T04:25:00.000-07:00

thank God it's gonna be friday.

today was one heck of a rollercoaster ride - more of the usual scolding and "I give up on you" lectures about how "You can sleep all day in office for all I care and I'll do the work myself"

clever words.

I need encouragement from your Word God, more than knowing history and politics and philosophies of the times when the different books of the Bible were written. I need a remedy for my ailing heart.

I need more than a 4-min feel good song or a sad one for that matter to help me get to terms with my emotional state.

Could you analyse my state of mind? (Tim Be Told)

Thanks to Mom and Dad for big-heartedness in calling me today. No matter what I face in the world outside, there's always a familial love so strong that's waiting for me back home. Love you.

Signing off :D

i remember.

2010-06-11T04:33:00.000-07:00

i remember.

i remember the day I said "this is you, God."
i remember the day I got my PSLE results.
i remember the day you saved me from death by a car accident.
i remember the day you told me "I forgive you. Leave your life of sin and walk in my life of righteousness."

i remember the day you said "this is worth it."
i remember the day you cried "Father, forgive them."
i remember the day you looked into my eyes and said "I did it for you."
i remember.

i remember the day I stood outside the Discipline Master's office.
i remember the day my Math tutor called up my dad.
i remember the day I felt so screwed up.
i remember the day I was so ashamed to be called Yours.

i remember the day you told me you love me.
i remember the day you called me "Son"

i remember the day I got my A level results.
i remember the day I danced. I danced in my heart.

i remember the day I squeezed a trigger wrongly.
i remember the sound.
i remember the silence. The silence of guilt.
i remember the escape.

i remember the guilt and pain of being apart from you.
i remember the weight of the burden of going my own way.
i remember the confession.
i remember the tears and the forgiveness that freely flowed.

i remember the document thrown at me.
i remember restraining myself and "GET-OUT-OF-THE-OFFICE!"-ing as usual.
i remember the screaming through the phone.
i remember.

i remember the promotion.
i remember how it was so perfectly timed.
i remember the race we won.
i remember kissing the trophy and wondering if it was real.
i remember.

i remember. i saw you beside me, in front of me (and sometimes behind me) even as my life unfolded before my very eyes. i remember crushing this masterpiece up and flinging it away and oh but who should catch it gently in its heavy fall but you.

oh how you unwrapped it and showed me something new. a side i never knew, something you were waiting all along to reveal. I remember taking it back. I remember your embrace. I remember you telling me "It's gonna be alright. Let's move on."

and the things I've forgotten, you remember.

you remember me. ♥

still in camp on a fri night.

2010-06-11T04:01:00.000-07:00

well, this duty has been pretty peaceful and I think I'm all set for saturday.

next saturday I'm going to Padang so hmm...wondering how to even talk about the of I'm supposed to get and how to clear it. haix.

anyway ABC photos looked great and it seems 99.9% of the fun was obviously in the pool.

I wrote another song! Now to record it. I call this one "A Smile"
Wait. I don't know what to call it. "Mirrors" ?

Oh well.

finally another week has passed. I realised that no matter how bad the week is going and whatever treatment I'm cruelly subjected to, all I gotta do is tell myself "It's gonna be a good week" and believe that God's gonna be right there for me. The world ain't taking this one down.

It's so amazing. I kinda got one of those moments again when God speaks to your heart and you know it's Him. I was teaching a new understudy for orderly sarge the whole time today and reassured him. "If you face anything on your duty day, just call me."

I think that's how God's relates to me too.

"I've given you my Word."
"I've given you the Spirit who will remind you of all things I have taught you."
"And you can call me anytime if there's anything. Really. Anything."

Wow.
Thank you Daddy.

half-step down

2010-06-07T22:06:00.000-07:00

I THINK I FOUND MY VOICE BACK.

All the worrying and hurting and wondering has really been but a season of trusting God.
And He's reminded me of His faithfulness even in work, bunk, home and church.

I've been really affected by a string of events that've unfolded over this weekend.
First, the fact that I didn't do ANYTHING for my mei's birthday.
Second, the guitar-dropping incident.

I won't say everything's sweet and happy at the moment. Almost everyone I know from COS is like out of Sg in ABC but anyway I'm still a little preoccupied about the guitar incident and being a guitarist myself I know how he'd feel. Just trying to be strong outside.

Weird source of inspiration but I think I'm gonna write a song just for that happening. Yes. I'll write a song.

Can I come to terms with what I've done and forgive myself? Even if you've said it's fine, the scars don't go away, God, do they?

Now I seek beauty from ashes.

And when did I give up on those wonderful hymns that've encouraged my faith so deeply for modern alternative-style songs that sound so good but leave me hanging dry cos' it takes so much to replicate them?

Worship, not self-indulgence. That's something I need to address.

And find my REAL voice back. The voice of my heart.

Now there's another sweet-sounding title for a new song!

What a weekend!

2010-05-30T21:55:00.000-07:00

Wow. I never expected my weekend to be this great.

Went for Asia Conference at Expo on Fri to hear Dr Yonggi Cho preach - and thank God I got in! Halls 8 and 10 were jam packed and considering that hall 10 was an overflow hall, Dr Cho's message was obviously highly demanded.

Didn't manage to get in at first though I got there 2 hours early cos' I didn't have a pass like those full Asia Conference registrants. Oh well, getting it free means you lose some. But anyway I did get to view the ministry booths put up by several parachurch associations and ministries - which proved eye-opening! Took a few pics of cool posters here and there. I was particularly impressed by this booth titled J.A.M. which stands for "Jesus for All Minds", a ministry whose focus is in serving autistic, mentally disadvantaged children.

Didn't really connect during worship cos I didn't know the songs at ALL. haha. but anyway I was really excited by the way everyone spontaneously prayed in tongues and worshipped as Pastor Kong Hee welcomed the Holy Spirit to dwell amongst us. Wow. That's charismatic. But I guess it's usual for big-church events to have this kind of hyper-charged atmosphere thing that encourages people to do crazy stuff without bothering what the people around you think of you. Kind of like a mosh-pit concert.

Pastor Cho spoke on carrying the death of Christ in his body that Christ's life might be manifested in him. Like many other difficult Bible teachings/passages, this is one I'll have to digest and listen to his message a few more times before I get the rhema word.

Kibs and I spontaneously decided on visiting IKEA with trigger-happy camera-snapping fingers. And called Siew along. In record time - yes, I tell you - we made up our mind on the meeting venue, lunch venue and post-lunch activity for that Friday. Doing our own little IKEA catalogue.

Lunch was not bad but expensive! I paid 15 for mine, which was some olive oil-fried chicken set meal. We had a good meal and Kibs talked about Switchfoot's latest album "Hello Hurricane" (which came out super long ago!!!) and how she loved the song "Your Love Is A Song"

She would buy the album just two days later on impulse. (YES KIBS YOU BOUGHT ON IMPULSE - but Switchfoot is a nice band :D)

Lunch lasted a good 2 hours - chat, eat, drink, chat. I think it's so important to chill out - outside of church with church friends once in a while so you get to really talk about stuff you've been really thinking about~it's really a different, more open atmosphere.

Then we went to IKEA and you can see the shots we took in Kibs' aptly named album: flat-packed. (nicely done kibs)

YPM Sat was sorta different too! "Oh Mama! Pastamania" went just quite fine with 4 invitees plus me. For my dear Air Tribers who didn't go....sorry! We finished the 40 dollars worth of vouchers. Apple Crumble Pizza, Pasta, Banana-Cinammon-Choco Pizza (i forgot the original name), Hawailian Pizza and drinks. (And a potato salad for busy Jane xD) Mmm.

Cell was quite good and Kibs' plan of having an open discussion worked really well! Hopefully we'll have input from more members during discussion in future too. C'mon my boys! Plus we ended on time? Which I rarely manage to do :) Good job Kibs!

We celebrated Janice's birthday too, but unfortunately we da-baoed again. Dabao is SO BORING already can. Haha. Ben went off for Sundown marathon and I went to see Samson and team rehearse for Sunday (first time!) I think Remembrance by Matt Redman is such an awesome song and Matt's such a humble songwriter who doesn't go for attention-grabbing lyrics, though this one captured my heart:

Say ''Eat this bread, take this wine"
Now the simple made divine
For any to receive

And it struck me so powerfully that God indeed had had the poor in mind when he instituted the Communion supper. Bread and wine, common simple food. Yet when taken in remembrance of Jesus, made divine. I'm not talking trans-substantiation here. But rather how these simple elements bring to mind the price Jesus paid for us. His body broken and his blood shed for undeserving man.

Mattie Montgomery's speaking album "When the Sons become Fathers" comes to mind in the track "You Are Worth It", and I encourage all to check his album out on comeandlive.com (offered free as a ministry of goodwill to musicianaries everywhere)

When the nails bore deep into his hands,
When the nine-tails whip left furrows in his back,
When the people mocked as he hung naked on that cross,
He was crying:

THIS IS WORTH IT. YOU ARE WORTH IT.

i know it's kind of superficial but still...

2010-05-19T06:54:00.000-07:00

I wanna thank God for the progress I made in Bejeweled and Treasure Isle on Facebook today - for those of you who don't know, these are the only two games on Facebook that have kept me mesmerized for so long. xD

Anyway I'm so glad I spent my time better this week, reading Bible and praying - I think I'm finally on track with the 1 year reading plan! - well still got Exodus and Matt BS to look through and YPMS coming up soon but the Lord is gonna provide.

Listened to TWO - yes dig that - two Keith Green messages on self-denial which I found so...shocking. Like an icy splash of cold water in the early morning when eyes are dreary with traces of unfinished sleep. Like "WAKE UP!"

The takeaway line I got was this "Thank you Lord for helping me to give up my wrongs. Now help me to give up my rights." Green was right on the mark there in saying that there wasn't any cost giving up the wrong sinful habits I once had - they were killing me anyway.

Now giving up my rights? That's a totally new paradigm. Or perhaps just a forgotten principle of God's kingdom.

He who wants to keep his life will lose it, but he who loses his life for me finds it.
I (Jesus) am the Resurrection and the Life.
No man comes to the Father but through me.

These are words I always wanna remember!

And YES! I finally finished reading the Doulos Story - a story of a floating Christian bookstore sailing the seven seas. Like really. It was so exciting hearing the stories of faith of an international motley crew of believers, no, servants fully devoted to Christ in bringing his love to the ends of the earth. How God provided. How God taught. How God protected. How God humbled. How God lifted.

Every step of the way was for Him, through Him and about Him.

And I did some research on the legend of a ship (it IS the world's longest ocean-faring ship!) - turns out it came to rest in - guess where??? (LONG DRUMROLL)

SINGAPORE!!! It'll be renamed Doulos Phos which means "Servant of Light"

Go wiki or Facebook it if you're interested. It's actually under this God-led organisation Operation Mobilisation. Maybe I'll join them someday.

Then again I should be faithful in the little and start praying regularly for the persecuted peoples I read of in Open Doors 'Frontline Faith'. For some it's a war daily to stay alive for their faith. I believe that touches God's heart. I wanna pray for these people.

God help me.

For from Him, Through Him and To Him belongs all glory forever and ever. Amen.

a blessed week

2010-05-13T02:08:00.001-07:00

I just spent my WHOLE day online. haha.

facebook. Treasure-hunting. Bejeweled Blitz. Comment. Like. What video about the Korean Choco-Boys 3 that Isaac Chong posted.

Oh. I owned the NDP Quiz on Singapore history too. Top 10 y'all.

Now I'm gonna go into book-reading mode in the night.

I realised I'm so into reading online articles and then sending it to my mail!

Good stuff la.

Anyway dear Jing we're all praying for you!!! Hope things change and hope you change too as the Lord desires. It's a time of endurance man. Pray and trust God even if you can't go church.

I'm into this book "The Doulos Story" which details the amazing journey of a missionary ship that brings Christian literature and all sorts of media across the continents to reach peoples of all tongues and tribes. Doulos actually means Servant in Greek, and servant-hood in faith is certain the core value of these enterprising people working on this cool ship to bring the gospel to the nations.

Time and time again I read of these stories of God's amazing power and grace that open doors (or berths, I should say) for Doulos to reach the nations and impact peoples for Christ.

This post seems schizophrenic. Haha.

I think the speaking album that Mattie Montgomery released on ComeAndLive.com rocks. It totally blew me away and it's inspiring me to write songs for a generation that is unafraid to step into the destiny of a Promised Land God's promised to those who keep the faith and trust in His unfailing covenant of Love.

This week has been so peaceful and blessed. I got enough sleep through the whole week and it's been really restful praying, reading, and listening for a change. Thank God for it. But I must remember that His peace surpasses understanding. An unmistakable inner peace that says "Trust Me" even if everything is falling apart.

Tag if you're reading this blog, people. I'd Love to hear ya soon.

a new day

2010-05-03T20:43:00.000-07:00

It's a new day. And a new beginning of sorts.

I resolved to get into the habit of praying today because prayer, as you may know, is supposed to be the lifeblood of a Christian. Not my usual 30-second prayer where I think up of something to thank/ask/praise God for or tell Him about just to fill up the time and fulfill relational obligations, but more than just that, delighting in Him and in knowing His sure presence.

And praise God. I have seen a marked increase in my discipline to read and properly digest the Word, a clarity of spiritual vision that has been dimmed for so long, and a newfound appreciation for worship, its intensity and integrity.

I am always telling myself to move beyond the technicalities. Move ahead, move higher, move beyond these temporal things Jerome! Don't get stuck in these ruts of KPIs and self-evaluation time and again.

Last night was different. Last night I listened to two sermons on end, by Greg Boyd from Woodlands Hills Church on Questionable Blessings and Covenantal Love. The first started with a questioning of the institution of tithing that the modern church treasures today as a sacred instruction of God - which he proves is not a New Testament principle of God. There was also a dissection of the assumptions prevalent in church thought (note that I say 'church', not 'Christian') about good and bad stuff, which often leave us questioning God! Like:

"We'll reap what we sow into God's kingdom"; (*1)
"Misfortune, tragedies and suffering are an intended part of God's plan to accomplish His will - justice (ie. punishment), character development, etc." (*2)
"A nation's wealth and progress is a measure of God's favour upon her" (*3)

Think about it! If undeserved misfortunes are a matter of being in the wrong place at the wrong time, why are undeserved fortunes (being born rich, with all limbs intact, with better genetic disposition, being classified) automatically classified as blessings from God? Of course, that's a valid question coming from a secular worldview run on logic. It does not acknowledge that God is the source of all things that sustain the good stuff we possess and experience in life.

However, there are principles in place that humans discover and employ in order to achieve these human ends like wealth, peace, etc. If you invest wisely, you will be more likely to receive good returns. If you're nice to others, others will in all likelihood be nice to you. But that's the thing! It's a principle, not a surefire guarantee. And realise that these ends achieved are never eternally sustainable under human supervision. We are limited in what we can do.
As Ecc 9:11 goes: "I have seen something else under the sun: The race is not to the swift or the battle to the strong, nor does food come to the wise or wealth to the brilliant or favor to the learned; but time and chance happen to them all."

Let's examine the 3 assumptions I mentioned above:
*1 - What did Jesus say about reaping and sowing in the Kingdom? "

For in this the saying is true: 'One sows and another reaps.'
I have sent you to reap that for which you have not labored; others have labored, and you have entered into their labors. - John 4:37 - 38

Let's not wrest God's gifts from His hands by saying we should get what we deserve.
For there is naught we are worthy of.

*2 - The world was originally created perfect and pure, free from suffering and danger (unless you count the tree of the knowledge of good and evil). It was never God's intention to destroy the work of His hands. When He made creation in the beginning, He said it was all good. And man he called very good.

Suffering in and of itself is not intended by God - regardless of whatever beauty God makes/can make out of it.

God in His self-limiting omnipotence allows us freewill to choose, and our choices can affect others adversely or positively. That is a fact of life.

The beauty is that God would share in our suffering when he could have simply thrown this defective creation of His into His cosmic-bin-of-whatever-He-wills but He came to this broken earth, to live among broken people and die for us.

He became like one of us, subject to suffering He wasn't responsible for.

It's true. Bad stuff happens to good people. With no apparent reason. Saying sin is the root problem makes us theologically correct. But if you're happy just being justified in your own eyes (cos' you just condemned your suffering neighbour, knowingly or unwittingly), you think to rethink your perspective.

Jesus didn't immediately try to make things right when his friend Lazarus died. Jesus didn't say, "He deserved it." Jesus, in the most profound of actions and deepest of ways, identified with the human experience of suffering.

He wept. That's real love in action.

*3 - Righteousness exalts a nation, but sin is a disgrace to any people. (Prov 14:34)

It is righteousness that God desires of a nation! It is devotion to the Lord that is precious in His sight.

Wealth is by all standards a poor measure, if a measure at all, of God's favour upon a nation. God loves all nations but He has every right to be more pleased with some than others.

In fact, this notion of wealth as an indicator of God's favour, often leads nations astray to worship of the very human means by which wealth is seen to be produced.

Education.
Defence agreements.
Trade.
Technology.
[You name it]

As Christians, our trust and hope should be in the sure promises of God in Christ Jesus - not in the shakeable foundations of this world.

Our goal should not be to eliminate suffering in our own lives and to CLAIM FOR OURSELVES ALL THE BLESSINGS God has indeed richly promised us, but rather to see suffering as an opportunity.


For God to be glorified.
For God's love to be shown.
For us to turn back to God and admit our ways haven't been any good.

We love, because we were first loved.
The Son of Man came not to be served, but to serve.

Chew on it.

signs of a good day.

2010-04-29T15:24:00.000-07:00

it feels like I've come alive.

watched some videos about Oprah (Baptist background!) denying Christ, promoting Christ-consciousness in every individual and New Age mass trances. Apparently she thought that feeling and knowing God IS, surpasses just believing that God is. I also watched a video on her denial of Christ/God as the only way, saying that all travelling on different paths to some kind of goodness/peace/truth/heaven(whatever you wanna call it), are heading to the same goal/destination. You can call it enlightenment or God or whatever along the way if you like.

Yet Biblical Scripture tells us it is only by grace through FAITH that we are able to find restoration of fellowship and communion with the Creator.

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.
Ephesians 2:8-9

While it is highly tempting to adopt an all-embracing worldview of the notions of good, let us not be deceived. Goodness, love, kindness, gentleness and all of these ideals that man chases, in fact, find their origin in God. And we know for sure by His signs and His sure Word that He is ONE.

Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one.
Deuteronomy 6:4

I strongly believe that the kind of crisis the Church faces today against isn't anti-creationist/pro-evolution lobbies but rather, the proposed "evolution" of thoughts and policies on institutions and traditions that have long been considered sacred.

Life is a gift from God - and the evolution of thought here proposes Man is free to take it away at His will.
Marriage, between a man and a woman, is a gift from God - and the evolution of thought here proposes it isn't good enough for us today - we need marriage equality. (Confusion here? Of course. Although equality is an ideal, marriage was never meant to mean more than a union between a man and a woman.)
Religion is revealed by God - but in the evolution of thought here Man says he can find God in himself/can evolve into a state of Godhood/God-consciousness.

When God returns, the foundations of these thought structures man has built up will be revealed for what it is.

Straw and hay.

thursday. rainy.

2010-04-28T21:23:00.000-07:00

Today is rainy. The disquiet about this place is unsettling.

Lightning screams across the dark heathen sky while thunder rages and roars.

It's gonna be a long evening.

I see a banner of love
Lifted over our heads
It's waving in the sky and it's stained in red

From the far away hills
Comes a voice in the night
It's ringing in our hearts like a battle cry

Now we're coming alive
We're coming alive
Open your hearts, take what's inside and let it go

We're speaking out for a change
But words are never enough
We could be the hands and the feet of love

You need Love

Now we're coming alive
Yeah we're coming alive
Open your hearts, take what's inside and let it go

Wake up from your sleeping
There's something to believe in
The only way to love is to give yourself
Oh-oh-oh give your self

Now we're coming alive
We're coming alive
Open your hearts, take what's inside and let it go

Coming alive
We're coming alive
Open your hearts, take what's inside and let it go

Open your hearts, take what's inside, come on!
Open your hearts, take what's inside and let it go

Coming Alive by Phil Wickham

God put an interesting thought in my head this morning.

"Why does the Christian community adore their top musicians so much and pay so much attention to their works? When there's so much more to being a Christian than just knowing the names of the chart-topping bands and songs, so much more than remembering the lyrics of the last chorus you heard in church, the pregnant pause just before the bridge, etc?"

What I'm really thinking is, while worship in music is great, and the eternal message of God's redemption is worth passing down the generations and spreading across the nations, what really matters is that our public and private lives as Christians should reflect the integrity and veracity of the truths these songs hold, giving substance and weight and proof to the songs of God that we love to hear and sing along to.

Anything less would be an offence to the song, to the artistes, the songwriter and of course, our Heavenly Father. A lie. Mensonge.

Do we live lives that place our trust in the Eternal One?
What do our words and actions say about us when we come up on hard times?
When times are good who do we thank?

another week over

2010-04-28T04:19:00.000-07:00

I thank God for another week that passes uneventfully.

I think sometimes we worry too much if nothing special is happening in the week because we usually interpret God's working in our lives as when big, unusual things happen (good or bad, extraordinary or just plain unexpected)

Sometimes God grants us moments of peace and silence (yes, even mundane times) to refresh and realign our compass. After all, it's the long periods of "usual" that makes the "unusual", well, unusual.

I have to keep reminding myself to keep in the discipline of reading God's Word and praying. I'm always so amazed by people who can quote verses and make them seem so relevant to life (maybe because they really live on it), and even tell you the reference.

I want to hide your words of life in my heart.

I think the past weeks of poor vocals that I observed of myself, have become a reminder that the quality of worship is not in its external beauty but in its innate integrity. True worship comes forth from the wellspring of the heart, not the vibrations of vocal cords/guitar strings.

Have a peaceful week, everyone :D

- hooked on "There You Are" by Lovelite

Sunday in camp

2010-04-18T01:00:00.000-07:00

Well Sunday in camp has been pretty ok...

I spent the morning studying Numbers and it's amazing how one act of disobedience on Moses' part in striking the rock instead of speaking to it as God had commanded caused him and Aaron to lose their place in the Promised Land. I mean, after the distinct times that God had told Moses to step away from the stubborn, mule-headed Israelites so he could put an end to their assembly against Him and make an even greater nation out of Moses. Yet Moses interceded for Israel time and again. He had so many chances to be the favoured one and yet He appealed to God's mercy and loving kindness. What a man.

But of course, God has His higher ways and surely He blessed Moses in allowing him to see the Promised Land prior to his death. The 40 years of wandering had not been in vain for in that time God raised another leader, Joshua, to lead the people in serving God wholeheartedly as epitomized in Joshua 24:15.

Anyway, did the Exodus BS book too and it was quite apt for me since the lesson dealt with faith and brashness. Two things I need to learn to distinguish so I can take that step of faith when I need to and pull in the reins when I'm about to do something stupid to make things right as I deem.

Went online. FB. FB. More Facebook. Haha. Chatted with Matt Chen for a little - thanks for the concern all the way from the States :D

Voted for GMA Dove Awards 2010 too.
Best Artist of 2010: Francesca Battistelli
Best New Artist of 2010: Bluetree

Or was it the other way? Oh wells.

haha Lydia I found you on FB. you have been read. you are doomed. :D:D:D

thank God I have a great Monday to look forward to tomorrow - pizza treat!! feel a little woozy today. need some rest man.

An Encouraging Week

2010-04-13T20:12:00.000-07:00

This week hasn't been passing that quickly but I thank God for the encouragements from books, people and events that have been flowing into my life this week, so far. :D

Well I've been selected to be Master-of-Ceremony again for some event and I think God has really blessed me with the gift of articulation and intonation :D

I wanna sing with someone this Saturday!

Speaking of music, I've been reading this awesome book called "My Life with the Great Pianists" by Frank Mohr. It's in a way an autobiography as well as a journal of the experiences he's had with Maestros like Horowitz, Rubenstein and others...Now I wanna learn piano!

But more than that, I want to have courage like he did in sharing about his faith in Christ and bringing it to the climax of the question, "Will you trust in Jesus as Lord and Saviour?"

I think too oftentimes I find myself engaged in dialogue about faith and sharing what I believe but never really challenging people to face the Great Tipping point, the Big Question.

We ask things like, "Wanna come to my church?", "Wanna hear my pastor speak?", or "Wanna hear this great Christian song" but really, we are the most powerful message of Christ's love to those who know us.

God, give me strength to live for you in absolute trust.

thank God for great books and music

2010-04-11T06:22:00.000-07:00

well, I've been buying books and finding music again and I've been really blessed by the books and music I've found! let's hear some :D

music
Lovelite's album "All Color" - There You Are
The Ember Days EP - In Arms, Fortress

books
The Covenant of the Torch - Rev Abraham Park
My Life With the Great Pianists - Frank Mohr

will add details to this post soon, gotta book in! :D

Amazing God

2010-04-05T02:03:00.000-07:00

I can't help but sing and dance and tell everyone how wonderfully God has just weaved another fine work of redemptive art into the already bursting-with-color tapestry of my life. And it doesn't matter if my last sentence wasn't exactly grammatical.

I am overwhelmed. Here is my story and what I remember of it, because it feels like a dream, but only that it's reality.
more than anything I could imagine or ask for.

The Beginning of a journey into a Wilderness

After a one-week tour of being a Cadet Platoon Sergeant in my Specialisation course, I injured my back on the last day of the week in what was an all-out effort on an obstacle course that left me wincing on train rides between camp and home.

Yes, I went to see the MO with intention of going out of course (OOC) and somehow it did turn out as I'd prayed. But man, the guilt and confusion that came out of it was really trying. Here's the lowdown: When you dropout of anything in army because of injury, people label you as 'keng' which means you exaggerated your injury to get out of the tough training. Add that to the fact that I felt I was giving a bad testimony for Christ since the first dropout before myself was a Christian too (as was the third who followed suit) A Buddhist friend also challenged me, rhetorically questioning whether it was true that God uses suffering to perfect us. To which I thank God that I didn't find an excuse or attempt a rebuttal with some skewed reading of a Biblical principle (ie. I implicitly agreed) but that the Lord gave me wisdom to utter these few simple words of faith: "I guess you're right and I really don't know, but I'm gonna trust God wherever He's bringing me to."

Not that being an out-of-course personnel was easy. There was often alot of work to do on the support end, logistically and administratively. And the much-dreaded day eventually came when we had to fly overseas to support training, for a month. There was so much politics and under-table squabbling about the division of workload and sometimes I felt torn between sides since I was pretty helpful (at the start at least :D)

The Long Wait

So, pretty much all my friends were promoted and graduated from the course, while my fellow OOC friends and I were posted to different places. I got an administrative post, which I am still figuring whether to be glad about and really, it's been all about trusting the Lord for patience, strength and wisdom (lots of it, especially verbally and relationally) in my new appointment.

Things didn't go well and my re-course, for a different appointment though, took ages to start and finally ended in the first week of March or the last week of Feb thereabouts (again, probably ungrammatical but heck). The only highlight for me probably was the Road Relay Competition that was coming up and I was selected for the race team though my promotion which was a prerequisite to compete, was still under processing. It was a season of waiting, trusting and pressing on in training for a competition in which my place was uncertain.

All the while I kept reminding myself, "Jerome, if you're just going to run for transient rewards like getting some days off, then that's all you're going to get. But if, if it's to God's glory, now there's something worth striving for."

And God was faithful. My team manager kept good faith with me, keeping me in the training all the way till 1st Apr, the last training day before the raceday on 3rd Apr.

But alas, the promotion didn't come.

Love and Power Beyond 3D

My team manager came over and thanked me for all the effort I'd put in to train with the boys and grant us a glimmer of hope that we'd get something out of a competition in which we'd been perennial dirt-eaters (I was one of the good runners).

My team-mate and I went over to Jurong Point to catch Clash of the Titans (in 3D) on the opening day, and we got tickets on the spot but obviously if it was supposed to cheer me up it wasn't anything to go by. Not that I was angry at God or anything, but more of me was resigned to certain fate that I'd be there on raceday in the stands cheering the very people I literally grew up with, after laborious hours we had put in training again and again and again every weekday for a month and some. These were people whom I respected, and in return received respect from. We were inspiration to each other. And the team morale was pretty down after I dropped out to avoid technical disqualification, as did another great team-mate due to a late contact-sport injury.

The movie wasn't as good as all the surrounding hype had made it out to be. The subtitles were obviously the most "3D" part of the movie and it was obvious that it was going to be a fully-dedicated action movie right from the outset.

Around a third of the movie had passed when my phone went off - it's irritating enough to be disturbed in the middle of a movie, and more so a 3D one, and more so when the Caller ID tells you 'Unknown Number'. Obviously my team manager - I had become accustomed to seeing that when receiving his calls. What had happened now?

"Eh Zhelun I tell you an April Fool's Joke ok,"
- not that I was in any mood for a joke but it did remind me that it was April Fool's (apparently I forgot)
"Yeah?"
"You just got promoted to 3rd Sergeant!"
"..."
"No actually it's not a joke, really, YOU PROMOTED!"
"What? Really?"
"Yah, I checked with (name cannot be disclosed for privacy and security reasons)...[some talk]...they la never push...your promotion will be backdated...[some more talk]"
"(Stunned silence)...Orh...Ah...Okay, okay! Thank you sir!"
"Ok ah, I'll share the good news with the team. See you on Saturday!"

In that moment my thoughts just swirled. Into what I didn't know, but I just felt this deep sense of knowing that my life is in the safe hands of a God who watches, knows, and cares to make beauty out of the brokeness and messed-upness (take note, non-English word) of my life. Thank you Abba Father. And the theatre went silent as 3D swords clashed and flashed before my eyes. God was unmistakably real to me in that moment of destiny.

The Greatest Race of my Life (thus far, but certainly not the last)

Raceday was here. And all the training that prepared me for this moment wasn't what steadied me. Rather it was a sense of destiny, of purpose that God had somehow by way of AMAZING GRACE made it possible for me to still be in this. And I knew in my mind what I would do. Win, praise God; Lose, praise God still. It was all for His glory and besides He'd already performed a miracle getting me here.

Here we go.

I was the second runner in the relay team and had a disadvantaged start (started 2nd last actually) but thank God, I managed to pull back 2 or 3 places in my round. I wouldn't say it was my best run ever but I just kept going with the thought that this what all my training has come to so I'm not going to look back or hold back. And I didn't. But it wasn't probably going to be enough for anything notable.

Nonsense. There's never an I in TEAM.

It slowly but surely dawned upon us that we were pulling back positions with every passing round and holding our ground pretty well. I was especially encouraged by our fellow team-mates and officer team-members who cheered just as enthusiastically for us. It reminded me of Hebrews 12:1-2,

¹Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. ²Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

And I was amazed that God is and has so often been the God of Second Chances in my life.
That even if I'm faithless, He'll remain faithful.
That He makes all things beautiful in His time (not ours :D).
He makes a way when there seems to be none left (or at least when we've exhausted the human possibilities).

It came down to the last runner of my team, my good Christian friend Tze Wei (whom I really thank God for, encouragement (but must be more godly hor! xD), running tips, car-rides and pretty much a load of other stuff real friends do that I can't remember), to hold out for the 3rd position. My heart leapt when I saw him striding alongside two other competitors. Some of my team and I got together to run beside him, cheering and yelling off at the top of our voices to keep him pushing to the end. It really helps towards the end when your entire body is telling you "Stop! Stop! You gotta take a break now." when you know you have that little more to give. And that was a scene I'll never forget. Us, running together just like old times, the weight of our hopes resting on this final burst of effort from my fine hulk of a friend.

He opened his stride and left the two trailing to fight it out on their own. We finshed 3rd. Sweet victory.
The perennial losers were proud medalists today.

And it wasn't like we had any air about us - our whole team just broke into a downpour of relief and backpats and congrats and sweaty (heng, not smelly) hugs. We were pretty much in disbelief ourselves. The senior comdrs were going around laughing in shock too and going "WAAA!! TAO JI BAI! TAO JI BAI AH!" (translated as "WAAA!! First time ever! First time ever ah!!")

Our partner officer-team, like true gentlemen, congratulated us though they had fared even better themselves, clinching 2nd place in their category.

I was in shock and awe of what had transpired. It had 'God' totally written over it from beginning to end.
And then.

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. But Only By His Grace.

What happened next completely affirmed in my heart that God is a God of greatness who humbles men, who accomplishes His divine purpose and actively sovereign will through happenings that leaves man with no other words to say than "God alone be praised."

The results were out after a time of measured calculation.
My unit (2 categories combined) was the overall champion.

Hear this. OVERALL CHAMPION. Years of a dismal track record overwritten in a day. History was made. Hearts soared.

He's Still There - Ain't no fairytale

I was in the shower after the race and out of faith I asked of God a simple little request that I get a car-ride somehow to any MRT station. God was gracious enough to grant it through Nic (another team-mate) who "appeared" around the carpark and told me Tze Wei was driving. Godsend.

I am constantly still amazed today at how God's presence is so real in my life and I believe it is my purpose to be a testimony for His glory and honour through all of my life, weaknesses and failings alongside strengths and victories. Experiences like these are gifts of God, as are all other things and I am so amazed YOU stumbled on this post, certainly by no way of random chance.

If I take stock of what has happened, chance is obviously ruled out.

A soldier who's suffered from chronic back pain, made it into a race he was never supposed to be in, whose team won 3rd place in a competition where history has seen others languishing at the bottom rungs, and whose unit came out tops as overall champion.

On the car-ride back, Taylor Swift came on the airwaves and her song "Today Was A Fairytale" played through the speakers.

But today was no fairytale, though it felt surreal. God is Real. Loving. And everything I never expected Him to be.
Yesterday was Resurrection Sunday. Today is Monday. Jesus is alive, and he's the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.

And Forever. ♥

The Book Of Eli

2010-03-25T08:37:00.001-07:00

yes, i dunno what i'm doing here at when probably half of Singapore is asleep now.

but I just caught this cool movie Book Of Eli and I just taught I had to share some of the comments/posts from Facebook that I am so blessed to have chanced upon.

Eli was able to do everything blind because he was being guided for 30 years by God. Why do you think God made him travel around the country for 30 years with a Bible written in Braille? It would take that long to memorize it word for word, from cover to cover and it's the only way the book would have a chance to actually make it to it's destination. The actual book was a decoy, God directly protected Eli and made it possible for him to do superhuman things so that he could first memorize the Bible then deliver it where God wanted it delivered.

- Ga Ry

Here's a topic that's been bothering me for sometime, the "wussification" of Christians. What really brought this to a head was the movie, "The Book of Eli." If you haven't seen the film yet, you should. Christian or not. I went to see it before I knew what I was getting into. Actually, what drew me in was is close resemblance to a computer game, "Fallout 3." (they aren't related in anyway but I swear someone on the film was influenced).

The movie is violent. I won't attempt to hide that fact. But it's not gratuitous. And that's what bothered me so much. Once the film was out the critics panned it in all directions. The biggest complaint, how violent it was. Some critics went as far as warning Christians they may not want to attend a viewing as it may assault our weak little souls into piles of quivering fear. How nice of them to be concerned. The same critics that warned of the violent life of Eli praise every piece of blood drenched garbage that Tarantino comes out with. This same group of critics lust after blood and guts every chance they get. And all of a sudden Eli (along with the Passion of the Christ) causes them to find their senses and pan the level of gore. See a pattern here?

It's not just secular critics that cause the trouble though. Christians do it to themselves. The Book of Eli is a film that should have brought Christians to there feet cheering. I won't spoil the film but I will say that the movie didn't obscure its message. It wasn't "in your face" preachy but it wasn't so loaded with metaphor that it left you wandering what you just saw.

The film was raw. It was gritty. It was... realistic. And I think that is what rocked the critics. This movie captured the heart of man. It took a step into a possible, plausible, reality. Yes, there were parts that were thematic and over the top. What brought the world of Eli about was mythic and obscure but the vehicle to the setting wasn't the point. Eli's reality isn't too far flung from the reality that actually exists for some of us on this planet this very day. The movie touched the heart of man and left exposed for all to see drying on the vast waste of the desert floor. And for many this reality of our capability is just too hard to watch. But we should look. And we should look very hard.

Sin is the human condition. As Christians we need to deliver that message. But how can we if every time someone drops an ounce of blood we cower in the corner acting like a three year old girl? Sin is ugly, violent, and in each and every one of us. The message of God to us is one of release from our despicable state. To hide sin under a veil and pretend that all is flowers and butterflies is to allow sin to grow. Sin loves darkness. Unlike flowers, sin grows in the dark. Movies that expose the darkness in a real light leave the viewer with a visual of their path. In my opinion, it's effective. And critics hate that.
So why do Christians allow themselves to be boxed in? Why do we hide reality in films and pretend the only movies that are good movies are "Care Bears go to Candy Land."? Look at the books we read? Christian fiction is full of blood, guts, and gore. (don't pretend it's not, I've read tons of the stuff.) Even the Good Book itself is pretty brutal.

I hear the descension. "But the violence is Old Testament." "Jesus showed the peaceful way." Yes, he did. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying we should be lovers of violence and bath in the blood of movies like "Saw" or "Hostle." They serve no greater purpose then pornographic violence. However, anyone who pretends that the New Testament is a peaceful world should read again. They stoned Stephen (Acts 6:8 to 8:1). Ananias and his wife died on the spot for lying (Acts 5:5). And do I really need to go into The Revelation? Isn't it in one passage where the blood flows as high as a horses' bridle (Rev 14:20)?

So my question is this; why do we allow ourselves to be wimps? God isn't a wimp. Christ was no wimp (are you ready to be whipped till unrecognizable?). I understand that we are to bring the message of peace through the Gospel. I'm not calling for Christians to take up arms and become some kind of Crusaders (though many of these knights were Christian, even if misguided). What I am calling for is a dose of reality. Our world is violent. To act in any other way is to have the unbeliever wondering if we live on the same planet.

Let me close with these thoughts. Many Christians wait the day of Christ's triumphant return. He returns with an army. And Christ destroys the army of the Anti-Christ. There is a lot of blood. A lot. Many Christians believe that they may be part of that army that returns. Really? You think so? I'm not sure that Jesus needs an army of men who faint at the sight of blood.

You need not be a lover of violence to be able to stand strong when it comes. Eli shows us that.

- Steve Smeltz

Awesome fodder for thought huh. Yea it's violent but the message really leaves you thinking - wow, could I have faith in God just like that? Such purpose and vision, and let's not forget, Eli was blind.
By Faith and not by Sight.

Go catch the show! (provided you meet the min. age requirement :D)

mommy's calls make me happy

2010-03-17T07:30:00.000-07:00

went to watch 'zuo ren' by Jack Neo today...not too bad.

so happy that Ma called me! actually i wanted to call her to ask how's things but since home's free outgoing and i'm free incoming... (oh gosh how brutish is my english becoming)

this week has passed pretty well. updated mum on my army life haha sorry I know it's super boring but thank you for being loving enough to care ma.

ahh...so bored, what to blog about?

had a super Sunday lunch with AMY and gang and the sharings were awesome so I'm happy that sunday was spent meaningfully...(but somehow all my sundays end in xbox-internet dead routines)

KN you good. never reply my sms. you think you big. me and SW got your evil grey file. :D SW say he'll burn it. RARR.

I was thinking about my running comp coming up and I realised if the off is all i'm running for then when the off is over it'll all be so transient. but if it's for God's glory, there's something that'll last.

It's still about him :D

Taking A Long Needed Break

2010-03-08T19:38:00.000-08:00

i'm so glad.

finally I have time to myself for some quiet reflection and prayer (and songwriting, yes!)

Work has settled down, not too much to prepare for Saturdays and Sundays, and I can finally meet up with friends on nights-out!

Yet I know, this period of rest won't stay forever. The world is going to find every possible means to consume me once again. I'm gonna have to fight to find the time for You and for doing things I like.

like blog. read blogs. listen to new songs I've gotten and soak up all the emotion :D
watch videos, read books, write diaries, pen thoughts. irritate people by sms/fb comments.

i like having time to do stuff that doesn't have to have an end-goal. Not that it's just meaningless occupation of time but it reshapes your mindset and refreshes your perspective on more serious issues.

who's with me?

thinking.

2010-02-24T03:36:00.001-08:00

i'm thinking.

maybe she's not the one.
maybe she won't like me after all.
maybe, I should just let go and let God.

it's tough getting to know someone when you're in the army.
and tougher to connect on something both of you are passionate about.

God. I love you and I want my music to be about you.
But not when my thoughts keep running back to her.

I want You back.

Have been devouring this awesome book called Proofs of the Soul by Dr Allan Provonost and it's really astounding how one can come up with so many brilliant proofs for the soul. Obviously not man-conceived but Spirit-inspired.

Been thinking about ministry and where God is pointing for the next month or so regarding my cell, regarding my scholarships, regarding leadership, family, friends...EVERYTHING.

I am not drained but lost.

And that's why I'll sing to find you.

on a mountain-high high...and it wasn't drugs

2010-02-10T03:15:00.000-08:00

well this week's been pretty special/smooth, considering how I've learnt to avoid many potential conflicts with my ma'am by not talking back and saying "mm" (along with a nod) at absolutely any sentence I'd have jumped at in self-justification.

if you know me well enough you'll know what I'm talking about. Superiors are always right, or rightfully wrong. So the best thing at the moment of time to keep the momentum of work going is to nod and say "Noted" "Will take note" or whatever permutations of that you may have just to let your boss know whatever he/she said got into your difficult head.

Last thing they wanna hear is you talking back. Of course, clarify when necessary. When absolutely necessary.

Today went like a breeze - found the time to email some lovely people back and am thinking of God's goodness that someone half the world away from me can light up my face with a sincerely crafted mail :D

HAPPY 15th Zhi En!! :D :D

Went for karaoke session for the FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE (my word!) and totally sounded horrible on the reverb. Did try some difficult numbers like Live Like We're Dying and then got turned so off by Lady Gaga in Bad Romance that I skipped the song halfway into it. Will be back to surmount the great challenge of pulling off Love Story by Taylor Swift.
Ben and I did ok for Jing Tian Ni Yao Jia Gei Wo...but the rapping part left us speechless.

Was pretty down over the weekend and EVERYONE picked it up (ie. detected it). gosh. But I unveiled my first-ever full length worship song and the first thing Fel asked was if I was doing a refined version of it. The reason why it's raw is that it was inspired by the Spirit and I thought up the rest of the song after the first verse and chorus. Now SH's asking me to do it live. (which I will :D)

Will get back home to cover more of Phil Wickham (Safe) and Starfield (Son of God). Am amazed by Phil's B open chords and it's awesome singing in accompaniment to that progression.

Thank God for the Friday meeting we're going to have...I have this great sense of expectancy that as leaders join hands and spirits to lift our cries unto heaven, God will open the floodgates and send down His Spirit to empower us again.

God is opening my eyes again to see the downcast people of society even from as early as the NS years. People who've been through detention barracks, who endure terrible bosses, who are physically impaired/in not-so-perfect medical condition...and my songs are reflecting so much of that, that in the presence of God, all we can say is that we're unworthy and the little advantages we take pride in don't amount to anything at all, in fact.
God created all men equal. And not some more equal than others.

If Jesus passed you by, would you recognise him?
"For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in" - Matt 25:35

people get used to talents, but they never get used to LOVE

2010-01-20T04:10:00.000-08:00

ok so it's official. Jerome can sing and maybe back it up with a great inspiring story.

so what? people get bored of listening to the same voice crooning all day.
pop stars have their times and then fade into the furthest recesses of the human consciousness.

Sure, America's got talent but do talents on their own it really leave your life any more meaningful and worthwhile? Let's face it. Most of us feel a little lost when we turn the tube off and return to our daily routines.

the Top single on every chart couldn't stop someone in a desperate situation from committing suicide.

the best entertainer couldn't take away the sense of emptiness gnawing at our souls like we're meant to live for something more.

man's biggest ideals to better mankind ended in "legendary" men destroying precious lives in their purest pursuits of downright selfish/neurotic ambitions.

Dreams and gifts not encompassed with self-sacrificial love are but self-serving.
Call it your way of raising your country's GDP. Your way of keeping people occupied. Your way of making sense of life. Make all the excuses you can that it's really not about you.

Liar.

Enter Christ the Son of God. Being in the very nature God, he humbled himself to don what was but the frail fabric of human flesh. The King of the universe, whose home was heaven, took upon such a humbling task of traveling ministry that He said, "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head."

talent simply amazes eyes, but love completely changes lives.

Jesus could've been great going around healing and raising the dead - but he didn't stop there or use it to selfish ends. He gave more than his talents. He gave himself in complete, unconditional and unreserved love.

This is the King I serve, not with my talents, but with my love.

because He first loved.

one of those rare times - when we get it mixed up

2009-12-06T01:46:00.000-08:00

I was wiki-ing (a rare occurrence since I entered army) and I was looking at different denominations and worship artists, their views on God, the Christian life, worldviews and stuff..

It's quite challenging intellectually when you consider the vast span of what people define as the Christian faith in the rainbow of denominations/belief systems, and really it provokes one to question - Why is truth about God so diversified?

Why are people making a stand for what we believe and sometimes at the cost of others' reputation or standing, or enforcing strict rules and regulations on people?

We don't need more elaborate programmes and emphasis on religion. What we need is to see love in action. And therein is another mindboggling headache as to the definition of love - is it the obedience of God's will or a living of a person regenerated by Christ's love? And mind you, we have tough problems defining God's will too.

I think to clear up all the fog and tear down the walls, we really need to remember that Christianity is about Christ. You can be of a different denomination than I but all that matters is Christ is central in your actions. Who am I to condemn you if you think accepting the LGBT community in Christ's pure love is God's will? (just an example of controversy in differing Christian belief groups)

The main thing is that we believe in Christ as Lord and Saviour - from there on where you go is pretty much your walk with God.

God calls us to different things, so we shouldn't be inducting people (esp. non-believers) into our denominational beliefs (we might actually be hindering God's work in their lives) before introducing them to Christian love. And where love begins, truth follows naturally.

God allows us to see our imperfection in religious belief so that we realise humanistic religion will never bring one to anywhere but a confounding doctrinal mess/systemic slavery to legalism. Human systems are doomed to fail and hence it is essential that we return to the true roots of Christian faith. It's not about a great 2-hour church service programme, prayer meetings and revival rallies, evangelistic mission tours or uplifting worship times.

It's about a desire to honour God as God, apart from human agenda. And from there, the activities I mentioned flow naturally according to the Spirit's leading.

Paul said it right in 1 Cor 3:6-8
⁶I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow. ⁷So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. ⁸The man who plants and the man who waters have one purpose, and each will be rewarded according to his own labor.

and in 1 Cor 3:10-15
¹⁰By the grace God has given me, I laid a foundation as an expert builder, and someone else is building on it. But each one should be careful how he builds. ¹¹For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. ¹²If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, ¹³his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work. ¹⁴If what he has built survives, he will receive his reward. ¹⁵If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames.

lastly in 1 Cor 3:18-23
¹⁸Do not deceive yourselves. If any one of you thinks he is wise by the standards of this age, he should become a "fool" so that he may become wise. ¹⁹For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God's sight. As it is written: "He catches the wise in their craftiness"^a]">[a]; ²⁰and again, "The Lord knows that the thoughts of the wise are futile."^b]">[b] ²¹So then, no more boasting about men! All things are yours, ²²whether Paul or Apollos or Cephas^c]">[c] or the world or life or death or the present or the future—all are yours, ²³and you are of Christ, and Christ is of God.

Thus it is obvious that denominations that attempt to puff up the gospel by intellectualizing, emotionalizing and spiritualizing, syncretizing (if there's such a word) it with human perceptions and worldly wisdom are centred NOT on God but on MAN - as it says in 1 Cor 8:1
Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up.

It's a long post after a long period of thinking.
And God-willing, may you be blessed.

Show Me what it Means

2009-12-03T23:49:00.000-08:00

I was worshipping on my new guitar strings, preparing for worship at YPM camp leaders' training when God spoke to me about how worship isn't about a high experience brought about by uplifting music or inspiring lyrics.

Real worship is consciously bringing ourselves back into God's presence.
Real worship helps us see our unworthiness and God's awesomeness - we can't help but bend our knees and lift our hands when we realise who He is and who we are before him.

It brings godly sorrow over the ungodly condition of our hearts and inspires renewed commitment to change.
True worship brings change - change from within.

The Holy Spirit
I realised the reason why I find myself trying to consciously "include" the Holy Spirit in my "idea" of God is that I haven't really been praying and fasting and relying on the Holy Spirit to reveal to me what God is really saying to me about my life and others and Himself through his Word and songs.

We learn to recognise people by experience - it's the same with the Holy Spirit. if I'm not depending on the Spirit in my ministry then of course I won't see the Holy Spirit as a personal entity in the Trinity - just a force or empowering/equipping/enlightening/encouraging thing.

No, you are not a thing. And I know you. Personally. You are the One who stirs my heart when I read God's word, the One who quickens my emotions to joy when I hear a testimony glorifying God, who whispers wisdom and Jesus' words to me when I am quietly troubled.

You are the reason why the hardest addict can turn his life around in Jesus' name. You are the reason why enemies can forgo their grudges and forgive.

You are not an idea. You are a Person.
And I am convinced you will forgive me for ever having such a thought that you are impersonal, unreliable and someone I'm better off without.

God is Faithful.

2009-11-29T03:29:00.000-08:00

His Name is Faithful and True.

Indeed, I really thank God as I look back at the past year and see how God's led me through hurt and joy, triumph and loss, struggle and victory, restriction but yet more so the freedom I continually find as I serve Him with the strength that he gives.

Your grace is indeed more than enough for us - we have all we need for life, love and godliness because of who You are to us.

27 November was the day of the best event I've ever co-planned with Siew Ho IN MY LIFE. Period.

All the pain and trouble and irritations I went through getting attendance worked out, sourcing for sandcastle tools and wondering if the rain would spell weeks wasted effort for us both really became so insignificant when I saw the look you guys had on your faces at the end of the event and how TIRED you guys were because of all the passion and effort you put into the sandcastle-building.

I have a long list of people to thank.

GOD for holding back the rain, giving me a word of exultation for Enoch (Ephesians 4:29) keeping us safe and keeping the tools from going missing

Ee Han, Hong Guo and uncle Meng Kim from Youth For Christ for graciously lending us the tools on good faith and not demanding a cent

Felicia and Evan for getting the prizes for the competition
Aunt Evelyn for providing Galilee hall, helping us safekeep the sandcastle-building tools and making sure everyone was alright
The security guard Kumar (or Kunar??) for the keys to the hall and helping us turn off the lights outside the hall (that we forgot to!)
Siew Ho for his unending concern on how the event was going even though...you know. And for lending us the UP DVD! Big thanks man.

Kimberley for lending us her FACING THE GIANTS DVD and faithfully updating me on the people going under her purview
Isaac, Matthieu, Zhi-en for helping out in confirming attendance
Ben and Janice for photography (assisted by Kimberley)
Junyuan for doing up sandcastle building plans though we didn't use it in the end! :P
EVERYONE for being there to support and be involved in the event, welcome the P6s into Enoch and especially the P6s for being SO BRAVE to come!

God bless our beloved Enoch cellgroup.
I love God for placing you guys in my life. (especially those mentioned above :D)

WOOOTS! first post after a majorly long time

2009-10-18T08:13:00.000-07:00

why, it's been so long since i last posted that i almost left this space for dead and gone.

I think i wanna share on my not-so-recent trip to Kranji War Memorial first (it was a first for me)
It was the most aesthetically pleasing burial ground that I have ever visited, period.
Most of the soldiers buried there were people who fought against the Japanese Invasion of Singapore in Singapore's short history as we know it.

The gravestones were mostly engraved with messages like "His duty well done" or "Rest my son, from the sounds of gunfire" but this one in particular grabbed my attention:

"Father, Forgive Them"

It was a simple 3 word-phrase. And it blew me away. The parents of this man, who had died defending a land not his own, found God's grace and forgiveness in the midst of personal loss to love those who murdered the one closest to their hearts.

In the words of Avalon's song Fragile from their latest offering in hope, REBORN:

We are fragile, but Love is strong.

Enjoy.

faithful God even to the faithless

2009-08-09T07:59:00.000-07:00

I've been working out a sweat on some of the riffs I've heard in songs like Reign in us (Starfield), Just Wanna Say(Israel Houghton), You Belong With Me(Taylor Swift), I Adore(Hello August) cos I've not been able to reproduce the sound that suits my ears yet (haha). But thank God today things seemed to be right with my pinky as i managed to discover the right plucking patterns for intros to You belong with me(in D)

This weekend has been nothing short of 3 WORDS. AMAZING, AMAZING and A-MA-ZING!!!

Today the PowerPraise Team (Praise And Worship Team for Children's Min) presented a self-written song called "YOU"RE MY _____" inspired by Psalm 18 (which is equally cool) and here are the stars!

Tim on the acoustic, Joel on the bass, Tim(another one) on the drums and Zhangpei on vocals! aha..
It was also an advertisment for COS Song Festival and I really feel God's working through things to help me use my talent more greatly for his kingdom! I haven't ventured much into songwriting as of yet but I'm praying for a song that will resonate with the hearts of not just COS members but Singaporean Christians everywhere...haha sounds nationalistic huh! Today's NDP was great too - That Gail Nava or however you spell her name - has an outta-this-world voice man!

okay haha, got distracted there. Anyway the next two things I'm gonna share are the stuff that God has really revealed His faithfulness to me and Enoch and Jia En too:

ok basically someone left a thumbdrive under a stack of chairs in tabor room which is like the furthest classroom from galilee hall, and Enoch, Siew Ho and I were "driven" to Tabor Room for our Matthew Bible study cos Estella and Music Team were pretty (especially in fact) chirpy during rehearsal so...that thumbdrive happened to be Jia En's (which was missing for an hour i think but was really impt to her) and we returned it. Sweet grace of God.

haha and the other crazy thing that happened today went something like this:
Siew Ho calls me at 7 in morning when I just woke up in bed and tells me ALL badminton courts are FULLY BOOKED. We deliberate over whether to call it off (the arranged badminton game).
We believe in faith that God will provide. I ask God to confirm it to us by service-time and guess what??

Siew Ho calls the Tampines Sports hall and it turns out 2 groups cancelled their bookings!! :D

I think it's been 2 great faith experiences for Enoch this weekend and I pray for greater things to be done through our individual lives and cellgroup life.

Woo...the song presentation's still got me fired up for songwriting. Time to show the world what God's done in me. :)

I beat you at your own game Isaac!! haha (inside joke - and it's nothing to do with badminton)

i wanna live for you, go where you lead me

2009-08-02T04:06:00.000-07:00

had a great bible study on Matt 7 - the Beatitudes which I was VERY sleepy in but didn't KO thanks to God for His Spirit keeping my eyes open! haha.

i think meekness is my main fruit but as Bob Fitts shared today it's true that the other fruit will be bourne in due time as we love and stick close to God :)

we shared some personal relationship problems later on during lunch and things didn't seem to be making headway at all - we were trying to assess different people's situations based on our human wisdom which proves in God's kingdm to be so pitifully finite.

That's when AMY put us back in perspective and turned our eyes to Him who is the Initiator of the greatest relationship man can ever know - it's so important to fix our eyes on Jesus even in our human relationships because He is DA MODEL for that too. it's when we look at his example that the Bible starts making sense in its advice about relational wisdom.

*************

well i've gotten a new pair of specs over the weekend since that unfortunate day but thank God for yet ANOTHER REVELATION! the optician told me despite my best efforts to request for a better lens which would make both my eyes see equally sharp, that it's impossible to achieve such a state - forcing it would only result in eyestrain.

I guess that's what's true of the Christian life too - you have some things going for you and some that aren't, and God meant it to be that way. That we might depend on Him in our failings and weaknesses so that He might be strong to rescue, save, deliver and help in our mistakes, misses and misunderstandings.

We can NEVER see with complete clarity what lies ahead in the path that God asks us to journey with Him on, but two things remain as signs of God's true, eternal and lasting promise:

the rugged cross

the empty grave

we await Your arrrival, Sire.

biblical musings

2009-07-26T05:24:00.000-07:00

doing parades in the armour formation really gives you a glimpse into the mighty tonnage that the SAF Armour formation holds, and it's quite an awesome experience when you witness an array of armoured vehicles rev their engines in unison together and point forth the way with their glaring headlights, even in the day!

but God reminded me of these passages in Scripture that remind us not to put our trust solely in our war machines and battle capabilities, but the Lord himself. let's have a look:
Isaiah 31:1-3
¹ Woe to those who go down to Egypt for help,
who rely on horses,
who trust in the multitude of their chariots
and in the great strength of their horsemen,
but do not look to the Holy One of Israel,
or seek help from the LORD.

² Yet he too is wise and can bring disaster;
he does not take back his words.
He will rise up against the house of the wicked,
against those who help evildoers.

³ But the Egyptians are men and not God;
their horses are flesh and not spirit.
When the LORD stretches out his hand,
he who helps will stumble,
he who is helped will fall;
both will perish together.

and again in Psalm 33:16-18,
¹⁶ No king is saved by the size of his army;
no warrior escapes by his great strength.

¹⁷ A horse is a vain hope for deliverance;
despite all its great strength it cannot save.

¹⁸ But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him,
on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,

even David knew that the battle didn't belong to the army or one's military allies but the Lord God. So as we each face battles and wars in our individual and communal living, let's turn the precedence of command to God who will fight for us.

And win.

I just want you - planetshakers

2009-07-26T05:13:00.000-07:00

thanks. for reminding me why i wanna learn the piano so bad.

dude, great voice! :)

my cardinal failures - his sufficient grace

2009-07-19T06:36:00.000-07:00

hypocrisy

estella was right in pointing out during the last LDG that we are often hypocritical in what we judge of others. i realised that while i've been telling my fellow mates that WW's the most sly in avoiding menial tasks, I've not been that far off myself. in OOC life you learn to have 'spider-sense' so that you know when arrows (read: errands) are about to be fired. And you get out of the max eff range of that arrow.

this might not make sense to you but basically I'm saying i'm guilty myself of avoiding or pushing away tasks when they've come my way.

i really need to take out the plank in my own eye.

spiritually handicapped

ooc life is dull and most of the time is free time - I'm sad that I haven't been able to use this to spend more time with God than my friend's PSP.

sometimes I just ask myself, what's the point of being Christian if there isn't any difference in your life, any practical value to what you believe in?

i really need to seek God on how he wants me to spend my time in the army because now it just seems like I'm going through the motions.

Songs like 'Someday' by Ryan Morgan Band and 'Motions' by Matt West keep reminding me that I need to live for more than the now. that there's something bigger than myself to live for. that there's something eternal that my heart can beat for.

I wanna breathe for more than filling my lungs.
Show me how, God.

freaky quirky week

2009-07-17T07:21:00.000-07:00

this week has been weird - i'm a store personnel at camp now so it's a new kind of environment.

ah. what was weird this week? let's see:

first, catching 20 century boys 2 without any knowledge of the prior instalment, made it a mind-boggling show. Sinister but not horror so my mind was practically in overdrive for about half the show.

second, medical centre mysteriously stops accepting patients whenever i showed up this week - was it 3 times ? - and i'm left with 3 specialist letters on hand, 2 of which are going to be 3 weeks overdue.

third, i went for eye checkup at NUH and they gave me some nasty pupil-dilation potion and blur is an understatement of my vision as I left the place. Fought my nervous reflex to shut my eyelids due to added light-sensitivity and just got out of NUH, stumbling all the way as i focused on keeping my eyes open for longer than 2 second intervals.

fourth, a mcspicy i had, had such a kick that even an upsized Sprite wasn't enough to put out the fire in my tongue. thankfully i didn't lose my voice :)

*****

of serious issues - the first would be that the i-net computer is well again! hurrah for internet access from camp :)

well actually I'm glad the YPM leaders got together this Sunday to pray for YPM and come to the realisation that there is only one Leader of YPM and that's God. No more should personal agendas, competition and reliance on self-ability be the fuel that YPM runs on.

haizz...though i really wanted to devote more time to prayer this week, my friend's PSP was just lying there in the store all the time, and you can guess what happened next...i did try though, with some limited success to fend off ideas about tricking out in PES 09.

saturday confinement till sunday morning!!! doing sentry duty tml so quite sian.

my gosh. jerome is getting more unrefined with his language.

*****

i think God's been trying to say this to me for a long time but i just shut it out for so long.

worship isn't about hearing how great your own voice is.

you'll be disappointed eventually.

it's not about the lyrics.

or the out-of-this-world melody.

you could sing all the greatest worship songs of the world and still get owned by the song playing on the radio on your neighbour's porch.

it's about your heart.

and hearing His voice telling you things that a Lover, Father and Friend would say.

sometimes it confronts, sometimes it comforts, sometimes it just reminds us that He's there.

and He'll be the same Him no matter what.

it's about Him, not me.

or my guitar.

or whatever words I can think up to sing.

or the place i'm in.

God forgive.

i know i made some bad choices

2009-07-05T05:35:00.000-07:00

got back to church after a long army wk...rocked the house with SSX 3 that lihao kindly lent me! coool snowboarding moves and cooler radio dj man!

just thinking about how people come and go in our lives - fel, abby, aaron, matt chen others who i treasured and left for overseas...

meeting up again will be weird but i think a hug suffices (for the guys) that says everything about how much i've missed each one of you.

matt i have so much to learn from you in using my talent in music for godly means instead of temporal self-exultation.

fel you teach me so much about my relationship with God and with girls haha.

abby you always inspire me to greater things in Christ and I really wonder how I'd have survived without you guys at YFC coming into my life - joel too!

aaron you were always the man behind and on the scene for YPM - working tirelessly for our generation in COS.

each of you have so much to teach me, and thank God for putting each of you into my life.

well, this is a quick post but it's a tribute to some of the biggest people that God has chosen to shape me through.

No forgetting you John, even though you're still around.

if you're reading this guys, I love you ALL.

I Belong With You - You Belong With Me

2009-06-28T05:12:00.000-07:00

well, it's been a while since i last posted but SO MUCH has happened. More than i can ever fit into a 140-char tweet or 10 pages of blog-text.

got caught in the rain with Enoch outing-goers and caught the Transformers in action with them yesterday - was doing some crazy stuff like folding arms while hanging upside-down and screaming crazy lines to chase off some shameless people in the park! :)

taylor swift's You Belong With Me continues to tug at my heartstrings like crazy. I guess i'm attracted to songs in which girls really show their vulnerability and need for love. I think guys feel the same way under their cool, tough, everything's-under-control exterior.

and i found my remedy drive library back! the song that hit me most was "Belong With You" - a reminder that in a world not my own, there's a Someone that loves me so.

played soccer with the guys at YPM yesterday - first time i really felt involved in a game! and isaac (a sec 2 guy) was great!! and i taught the last lesson of the masterlife book today - i really hope it's made a difference to you guys, and Siew Ho, it's been not just an honour serving with you, but becoming friends too!

booking in guys, so till next Sun, ta-ta!

how four posts collide

2009-06-05T19:55:00.000-07:00

"It is more necessary for you that I remain in the body." - May 30th

it's been such a difficult time struggling over whether to report my back condition for the sake of getting a reprieve from the tough AI training and regimentation, but i came to an amazing realisation when God wondrously revealed that the long training period of 21 weeks also stands as the opportunity of a lifetime.

An opportunity to get to know my section mates and get involved with their lives to bring them into a position of consciousness of their innate need for a Saviour.

This has really reaffirmed "Whatever You're Doing" by Sanctus Real as the theme song of my life - was listening to it while doing some mopping and God really hit me, broke my train of thoughts on the matter and opened up a whole new perspective to the arduous training I find myself in now. Am I doing everything to follow Your will? Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills? So show me what it is that You want from me - I give everything, I surrender-eeerrrrrr.....

I got a brand-new mindset
I can finally see the sunset
I'm recalling home.

LOVE man, LOVE God - June 3rd

I am selfish. Not hateful, but not exactly loving either. I am selfish. Why?

Before Operation Checks are a fixture of armour-vehicle ops and often i find myself being the only one with initiative to start on what others would rather stare at, blankly. Or maybe it's just narrow self-perception. I told off someone else in my section for keng-ing when he actually did stuff too and then i realised. I was just caring about myself. Trying to make sure i don't lose out by giving too much of my effort while others do maybe a little less.

That wasn't what Jesus would do.

¹⁹We love because he first loved us. ²⁰If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. ²¹And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother.

God help me.

Thou shalt not judge.

In the army it's pretty easy to blame it all on someone else. The trainees' slowness and lack of urgency becomes the trainers' poor scheduling and facilitating. Blame it on the MO. Blame it on your section mate.

But who are we to complain and judge others? I was reading the Matthew passage on Judging Others and really i find myself a poor hypocrite. An attitude change is needed.

Even if it is the fault of others that we are inconvenienced, as a Christian I need to learn graciousness. So much for talk and discussion about a more gracious lifestyle. I can't even get my act together.

Lord, teach me your ways < 3

Carbon offsets and Jesus

I was reading this interesting TODAY news article on Carbon Offsets and how it's like compensating for carbon emissions due to flights. It was only till this morn that I realised the parallel between that and how jesus' ulti-sacrifice paid the full price for our sins and redeemed us from the death that we rightfully deserve.

No amount of good works or religion can ever offset the sin that has set itself so deeply into our lives. Only the blood of that God-man can wash away the stains that scar the masterpieces we were meant to be in Christ.

Fun-fact: Blood has mechanisms to regulate carbon-dioxide :) Go figure.

thank you ryan

2009-05-22T08:35:00.000-07:00

nope not ryan seacrest - it's ryan morgan band i'm referring to.

how nice of ryan to leave a tag on the blog - it's really so precious to know that someone so esteemed knows you by name. Christians, that is what we are! children of our God who knows each of us by name - isn't that AWESOME???

way cool man.

caught the movie Angels and Demons with EeHan and gang - finally got out of home for some entertainment this week. I liked the clever bits of the show, what with buildups, twists, symbolism but the explanations flew too fast and furious for my liking. still, I'm really perplexed at Carmelengo's hypocrital behaviour. After giving a preachy talk on "misguided means employed by the church" to the assembly of cardinals, it turns out that he's the mastermind behind all the kidnappings and killings. Fanatic's zeal at its most scheming.

Still the show's quite unrealistic in that Carmelengo's got EVERYONE eating out of his hand and falling perfectly like jigsaw puzzle pieces into his plan. But i better not comment anymore since i didn't read the novel myself....

Nick! great to catch up with you and maybe we'll sing together someday for SYFC? haha just imagining.

What's next, God? :)

what am i doing?

2009-05-21T09:58:00.000-07:00

i'm just sitting here at my desk on the com at 12:59am, with 42% of batt remaining - chatting and reading blogs but really what am i online for???

so many thoughts about songs just rushing through my mind and i wonder how many times God's spoken to me through a great song only for me to dull the song's message by practising it on my own vocals again and again till it's another melody to hum to.

that's why i love reading the stories of artistes behind the songs they write - it gives this depth and human touch to what is otherwise a very professional commercialised end-product. and i hope as a singer-guitarist i can write songs of my own with stories behind them. :)

tml's fri (already?) and as i ponder the going-ons I've been thru during the week i realise i wasn't as busy as i thought I'd be before.

lots of lazy afternoons in bed and feeling pretty guilty that i turned down so many invites to hangout.....oh well.

reviewing poetry i wrote for someone sometime ago - and i must say there's so mush that i can't believe I was that lovestruck...now i have no one in mind but still the poem's a very beautiful picture of courtship!

well, listened to 'Free' by Francessa Basatelli and 'Motions' by Matthew West and I think these are two great songs Christians out there should have a listen to so yep - here's me signing off with 33% batt left and probably 1% in my body - konking out at 0109 hrs.

time to begin again

2009-05-18T07:09:00.000-07:00

i don't know what to say.

it's been so long since i've blogged - and i've realised, so long since i really got onto my knees to pray.
i've been asking myself. what of my life-story would really appeal to those outside the church and really show how God's so abundantly blessed me, starting first of all with his gift of love and salvation?
that's when i started to ask myself - is everything i'm trying to do in vain?

where's the purpose? where's the visionary zeal? where's the sense of His Almighty presence I once used to feel?
i'm coming to a realization that I'm Not Alright.
things like getting near-straight As for A-levels and getting into SMU law may be things to rejoice about but surely there's more to life than superficial temporalities.

i think i'm hungry to see a lost soul saved.

i remember the last time i invited someone to church was during secondary school! and the last time i saw someone accept God's gracious gift of Jesus was in secondary school as well - Gabriel - who still happens to be dear to me despite the on-off times we get to see each other.

maybe this conscious effort of trying to stand out for my values as God's child is really not what would change others' mindsets about Christianity...i've tried to uphold integrity and honesty in my ways but really all other people get is just static and they give me that raised eyebrow, asking me "WHY IN THE WORLD DID YOU OWN UP?"

i think i've forgotten how to love. oh no.

I've realised.....how often i've taken this path in life, when i only fall in surrender to God when i'm at the end of myself.
how i can't discharge my duties and responsibilities all on my own. when i think about the problems Enoch/Paul is facing and the state of my own spirit-man....it's this staleness of life that I'm worried about.

that I'm becoming a Dead Sea.

felicia asked me a very incisive and honest question that took me aback for a moment or two -

do you love God?

i mean, isn't that a given? and yet i now see that what i once took so much pride in has become uncertain.
like Oswald Chambers put it - an unguarded strength is a double weakness.

preparing for street E for this wk and also for lessons on Sat and Sun. planning for an Enoch outing too. i guess i've become a little lost in this commotion of endless activity and perhaps even aimless.

what is it in life that I really want? wait, there's the problem. I think i've become too fixated on I, me and myself to the extent that I try to accomplish everything on my own terms and effort.

I think it's time for me to fix my eyes on the author of my faith - that's when I'll really start growing spiritually again.

teach me how to love you God. all over again. cos' i can't carry on this way anymore.
really.

looking at the bigger picture

2009-04-11T00:48:00.001-07:00

well it's been eons since i last posted and really i regret having applied for universities and scholarships just before the deadlines cos i'm in a state of tango not knowing when the interviews are coming! anyway I got gold for my napfa and that's cause for celebration - however i unluckily scored a 44/50 for my training safety test (45 to pass), which puts me in the likes of other poor-things who have to stay back one saturday to redo the test. there goes my clean sheet for confinement.

Well i think this situation really reflects how i live sometimes, forgetting that i've got Jesus to look forward to at the end of this life, when life's little irrritating troubles hit me and i take them like tsunamis. getting gold for ippt entails 200 bucks of cash and that should rightfully have cheered me up for the rest of the day. enough about that.

well it's been hectic and trying to commit to anything in church has been nothing less than nearly impossible. still waiting for my probationary call to music min and i haven't met up w cellgrp for like 2 wks (missed YPM :( )

So many thoughts running through my mind about the future, studies, family, relationship, finance, world. Army. well I guess no matter what comes I'll be glad to have God there by my side, waiting and watching, always ready to guide me like a Father, a bosom friend, and a Saviour.

Thanks Dad. :)

POP-ed. Private now!

2009-03-12T02:44:00.000-07:00

Well I've finally POP-ed and it's really the not-so-grand finale to a 9-week hiatus from civilian life and what feels like a lifelong commitment to Kestrel Company. BMT has inspired me through the people I've meet rather than the programme I've endured through. Notables include my OC, my PC and my Platoon Sergeant.

This one doesn't feel like a proper post so I guess I can rant a little.

GOD is SO AMAZING!!!

I got 4 As for my A Levels. Distinction for GP, double Sci and Math. D for CLL though, but that's within expectations. God's really exceeded my expectations and really it's more than I could ever have asked or imagined. I hoped for like 2 As but clearly God's plans surpassed my finite thoughts. All the bad dreams, worries and heartaches gave way to euphoria that day as I got the results and I really forgot how I managed to contain all the excitement within. I think my parents were stunned as well at how coolly I took it - the excitement seems to be setting in now as I flip thru scholarship magazines and uni guides, astounded at all the doors God's opened to me.

Considering an overseas uni degree but i'm awaiting approval from...you guessed it, my parents! haha. fillial boy eh. I want to do international relations also but my dad's suggesting i read something more exclusive like Law. Considering that too because I see alot of tangible benefits but I must trust God to reveal something about where He wants me because I know He can only take me higher, or into the depths to learn something valuable. Like He's done with Chinese Lit.

The rainbow is up and the sun shines brightly. It's good to be Yours.

Mementos of life

2009-03-02T05:52:00.000-08:00

here are some mementos of my past 19 years of life - ok maybe not such a throwback but I promise you it'll be interesting.

from the top-left in clockwise direction:
1. writing materials for army - it survived field camp and that's why it's in this state (more rugged-looking eh)
2. first letter from yfc prayer group to me from abigail and angela (big reason why i stayed on - great follow-up)
3. a poker card deck from angeline of 23/07 that she got on her china trip (every card's like a postcard with scenery and life-shots from China: gets my rating of 4 stars)
4. cute little pin-on China Olympics badge my Dad got from his long China trip (also where he bought the entire 雪山飞狐 drama series which i devoured with aplomb)
5. little memory verse cutout from the Book of James bible study (BS) material (the BS sessions with Joseph cellgrp have become a big part of my church life)
6. swiss-army knife: the gift I got after pestering my sec 2 chinese teacher mr. Cai for a way long time - I was the only one in my sec 2 class who guessed beforehand that Greece would win in Euro 04 and he promised me a gift if they did. Mr Cai also happened to be my Dad's ex-Chinese teacher (just like Liang Laoshi in MSHS Pri 6).
7. (letter with the caption 'On Govt Service') a long letter with contributions from each of my family members to encourage me in the throes of my hot, dusty, cold, windy, rushed, literally sickening and feverish field camp.

1. farewell letter from (oh man I forgot your name) angeline's boyfriend who was my group leader for my chinese lit camp in 2007 - i beat him and other J2s at Tai-Ti (haha no biggie but still). thanks dude!
2. OG12 stone - Zulaiha you naughty OGL...plucking pebbles from TJC grounds to make this memento! but it was really fun knowing you and I knew from one look that 2nd orientation'd be great with you around. stay strong and keep smiling. Dooga rocks! :)
3. QuikTune - My faithful electronic guitar tuner who has always corrected my out-of-tune guitar so that the final sound is bright and resonant always. perfect pitch dude!
4. Fireflight's first big album Unbreakable - I wanted to buy it as a birthday gift for my sis but she ended up buying it for a friend (then she changed her mind and sold it to me!) lol, what irony. thanks fireflight for making the darkest nights of 08 a little brighter. your songs still touch lives and change attitudes. keep it real.
5. my id card for YPM Camp 2008 For Such A Time As This - a really well-planned camp where God touched the youth of COS and made His presence in our lives felt. It was a time of reckoning for many.
6. oh man what do you call this - ok a streamer. used it to deco AMY's house for some christmas gathering - God knows how many times Aunt Meiyoke's invited me to her warm place for our youth gatherings and cellgroup fellowship

Well that's it and i guess i broke my self-promise to shut-up-shop at 1030 hrs but anyway I actually still have 2 posts I'm supposed to make! about SIT TEST and finishing the classified, unposted Field Camp Final Report.

Finally found lyrics to Cathy Crescendo's Can't Breathe (so happy)! I'm bringing a stackload of newspapers to Army Camp for updating and I'm gonna relish the look on my Sergeant's face when i pull it outta my bag for declaration.

Oh my. I haven't showered today.

of cheesecakes and love affairs

2009-02-06T23:47:00.000-08:00

back from army today - spent the morning rather meaningfully at Singapore Discovery Centre. It's really changed lots since i last visited and I'd say it'd be worth another visit on a Sunday if it weren't for the distance (NSFs get to go free on Sundays and are allowed to bring a max. of 4 guests)

i came back home expecting cheesecake and i wasn't to be disappointed. i really have to affirm (no swearing) that my mum is secretly baking them somehow behind my back, cos' she couldn't have made that much cheesecake in one batch, could she? well it sure beats army food anytime - with a little intellectual food of course (if you consider Today to be intellectual fodder)

anyway was chatting with Marcus on a bus back to Boon Lay from SDC - it seems he's really got an on-off relationship with his girlfriend as he emphasizes frequently. I really can't get it sometimes - how can anyone have an on-off love relationship with another? but God's reminded me that that's how I treat him sometimes. despite God's loving us the same regardless of the conditions, we as fallible humans often fail to reciprocate. I pray that by being grateful for the little things in life I can somehow love God for who He is.

God does reveal Himself in the littlest things in life, as I'm finding out.

counting my blessings

2009-01-30T20:24:00.000-08:00

There are quite alot of things i'm thankful for in my short 3 days in army after CNY.

1) I didn't fall sick after CNY like half of my company! the coughing around me was nothing but endless - even into the night!!! Can be represented by a Poisson Distribution with a very high mean.. haha.

2) I cleared out the largest pile of waste in my life in Tekong - must've been all the CNY snacking out but seriously even i was disgusted - all i'm gonna say is it was roughly of 2.5 cm radius and very long. No need for further detail.

3) I cleared the whole SOC - within time! (I think!) the highlight really was the low rope cos I couldn't clear it during the earlier two practices. My platoon sergeant denied my success the previous time though i did make contact with the high-up bar so this time i slapped it about 6-8 times for him to hear/see. Shouted "Bookout!" with every hit, with the "In your face" kinda attitude

4) Cheesecake mania - the novel case of supply outstripping demand! My mom made 4 cheesecakes for CNY and this hungry soldier has consumed roughly 1 WHOLE cake. I don't understand why there are still 2 cheesecakes in the fridge. I ate a lot, my bro and sis ate much too, and we served cheesecake to every guest this CNY! Kinda reminds me of the Bible story of the widow's un-emptyable jug! Truly God's blessing - one to savour! :P

One of the things PS Ervin impressed on me was that we need to take ownership of our NS experience - He challenged us with the question: Are we proud to be soldiers? It wasn't the most stirring speech but something inside me clicked. It reminded me that we need to show our pride as defenders of the nation in our bearing, speech, marching, movement and sense of discipline.

In the same way, our lives should shine for God like we're proud to be children of His. If I said my life belongs to Him, the army has brought me to question the level of dedication I have towards my faith. Through the toughest of activities, God has asked me time and again - would you be willing to give Me as much of your effort and persistence, or even more? Army life is temporal but the kingdom of God will last forever.

Will we stand up proud as God's children and be counted amongst those who "have fought the good fight, finished the race and kept the faith"? I pray that I for one, will.

Photos from Reunion Dinner

2009-01-26T18:40:00.001-08:00

Reunion at the Soup Restaurant (food nearly finished)
those are my relatives so the guy in green isn't me but my cousin!

Adults w/ elbows on table
Tsk-tsk-tsk... :P

At SAFRA Club Bowling Centre
My team won the second teamgame and I got the highest score of 117 - talk about improving my game! (my prev gamescore was 50+, avg. of 5-6 pinfalls a frame)

Happy CNY to all.

A great CNY this year

2009-01-26T17:17:00.000-08:00

It was simply "Alright!" this CNY. Here are the 10 reasons why (Actually 3 but I'll make up the other 7 as we go)

1) Extra bookout time!!! :)
2) A great reunion dinner
3) A great time at SAFRA Club Bowling Centre - I got 117 on the second game, highest score for the day! :)
4) A great reception by my female cousins to my new hairstyle (which is no hairstyle, really.)
5) Catching up with Yi Song
6) Acquainting myself with my wife again - my guitar! Tried out some songs by Meredith that I haven't before and it turned out great.
7) Made my decision to join Music Min first as Praise Singer, then Guitarist - we'll see how things turn out!
"God works for the good of those who love Him and are called by His Name"
8) Getting my fix on Effect Radio, Jan 27 morn
9) Getting the chance to share my experiences for my 2-week confinement with Enoch (we packed the room on Sat, guys! great job!)
10) Knowing God is still moving in, thru me and just moving me!
- "Move Me" by Shaun Groves

Heard Philmont on a live show on Effect Radio - a cool first for me! (Live! Out of Control Tour - Philmont (onstage))

One of the things that God has been speaking to me about is that, it's better to worship together than individually. Sure, we rejoice in the individual talents that God has given us. But as Eph 3 and Psalm 133 shows, we are a body meant to build each other up with our gifts - mine is singing and guitar-ing! So that was pretty much the impetus for me to join MM. Will share with you personally if i get the chance to meet u! :)

Oh yea, reason no. 11 for a great CNY is knowing that the next week of army is only 3 days effectively! (compared to the long 16-day confinement previously!)

After 2 arduous weeks

2009-01-24T23:27:00.000-08:00

BMT confinement's finally over!

time to get out there and enjoy civilian life before another wk of taking commands and being pumped.
finally made up my mind to join MM yesterday, when i took the step of faith to raise a lone hand for the MM recruitment form. Things are gonna be crazy - never the same. I'm trusting Him for every step.

played some name-swapping game at cellgrp yesterday - can't believe we actually took up the whole lesson! John was pretty bushed but still, he looked real smart in his suit and all.

It's getting more obvious that God and I have to have Our Time...check out the 2nd song on the imeemplayer - really great song reminding us that we need our time with God before a crazy day.

Went church today and the sermon was quite good (even in Chinese)! Heard about resolving to walk with God and seeking what He wants for us and what He wants us to do. One point that struck me strongly was that it takes more that a flash of passion to serve God faithfully - we need to love God with and remain true to Him with all our hearts.

"...that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for Him..." 2 Cor 5:15 reminds us who should be the Treasure we seek to hold and be held by. Meredith Andrews sums it up perfectly with her song by the same name.

had a little lunch with Joseph cellgrp and unknowingly crashed their Core Group Meeting! But they were welcoming and though I hadn't much to contribute, it's a reality check for me that Joseph isn't the perfect cellgrp i always thot it was - we all need God's help even in the church. I'll be praying for you Joseph ppl! Rmb to pray for me too :)

Well I'm now blogging while taking a look at the long list of to-do's beside me now. Stuff to bring back to camp, guitar lessons, mp3 library to fill, finding out about Israel-US relations (army homework), catching up on Obama's inauguration speech, designing Kestrel Coy's t-shirt....whew. all in the day of a busy Jerome.

Gotta 'zao' for Reunion Dinner so till another day...cya!

Facelift? I call it remodded.

2009-01-04T23:59:00.001-08:00

The first thing you'd notice getting onto this page is the great intro of Jesus as da' superhero yea (rapper-talk intended)...Thank God for the inspiration. I think Inhuman by Kutless also has the same theme. yea.

Well, it's surprising cos i'll be on hiatus for 2 weeks - moving into Tekong for next 2 years of my life. So it's no time for heroics. Said my goodbyes, my farewells, and my 'take-care!'s - kinda tiring actually. But it's great to know people do care and appreciate you for all you've done!

Played "Love is Here" by Tenth Avenue North for the YPMS teachers as farewell song - they were kinda quiet but clapped alot later! Wonder if they were inspired with awe or plain bored! (hopefully the former)

Well, signing off and here's a shoutout to Enoch: Stay strong in the Lord and keep listening to your John and Felicia 大哥大姐. Don't let anyone despise your youth - let's shine brightly for Him!

Ta-ta!

A long lookback at 2008

2008-12-24T06:59:00.000-08:00

It's been a long year - or looking back at 07 too, a long 2 years of JC education of really more downs than ups. Had some things really redefined for me, like the searing sensation of loneliness when i stay up in bed at night and the realisation of the fewness of people I can actually confide in. Still all bad things point back to God and I'm glad he's brought new people into my life that I hope to cherish and be cherished by. The people I got to know in YFC (no, not yummy fried chicken - Youth For Christ) have become close acquaintances but occasionally I venture to consider if they're just caring for me on obligation or a sense of duty. I really fall for almost anyone nowadays - sign of a heart that's not at rest. Anyway, here's the detailed look-back for 2008!

RCLF was a pretty darn good memory - we even set up a nice blog for our Civic engagement SIG! The fact that I remember tells that it was one of the times I felt were well-spent. It was not only intellectual, but practical and I left with this sense of gratefulness that God actually put me in a setting with people who were really outta my league! Special thanks to Samantha, Alicia and Ai Wei. To my Mazarin induction teammates Kunaal and Kaustav (who went to RCLF too) you guys were da bomb! I just wish my Mazarin experience was alot better :|

Guess it takes much more to be an effective leader. I pray that God will turn my weakest moments into my defining moments. His strength is made perfect in our failings. To tennis khakis Eugene and yes Dad! You guys have been great - thanks for your tips and encouragement - Raymond too...our practices after tennis lessons were really great.

And Jia Haur, the guy who i keep bugging to play every sport with me - you rock and rule the court man! Pool, ping-pong, tennis, soccer, running, squash...man, I just wish we played badminton together! We should catch up soon another day.

To Debbie, Chin Kai, Jeremy, Bernice, Jasper, Ee Han, Man Yiu, Abigail, Chien Chong, Angela, Ailing, Sophia, EVERYONE! (yea Zhao Long, Lewin, Hongguo, Nicholas) - you guys at YFC have really made my year so much much interesting and each of you teach me something about drawing nearer to God. CCIS was a blast and I enjoyed working with you guys!

To John and Felicia, you are the bright stars in church that I trust to shed light on following Jesus more dearly - thank you John for your stories of wisdom and knowledge on pressing doubt-issues every Christian must face. Felicia, your name brings to mind an energetic vivacious gal who cannot stop talking, not in the verbose manner but rather that you have too many things to talk about. Your experiences are treasure and you uplift others with your sharings. Hope to know you better as we co-work for His Kingdom and His glory!

YPMS - Isaac, Sarah, Cassandra, Joseph, Baex, you are all dear to me and I hope I have been a good teacher and listener, as well as a friend (despite the obvious age diff). May the Lord teach us all and mould us into who He has long desired for us to be.

I can never get away from Joseph cellgroup, can I? Thank you Aunt Meiyoke for first encouraging and admonishing me to get into YPM - the past 2 years have certainly been fruitful ones regarding my involvement in church. We are indeed a body and should uphold one another. Thanks to Yun Hui, Luke, Daphne, Ben, Michelle, Sheila, Joel, Shalyn (welcome back!), Wen Hao - and anyone else I missed unintentionally - you guys are the most on Christians I know man! Ok maybe's it's AMY's influence but you guys are really into studying God's Word and yea, let that be your testimony in church!

YPM Camp and CCIS camp have been two good memories to end the year with and I thank God for His presence in both.

23/07 - you get a mixed response from me. I dunno if you think I'm really a social outcast or a parochial-minded, xenophobic guy or something, but you should really drop the 吃洋饭, 信洋教, 说洋话 labelling. I'm sorry if I seemed self-righteous or had a holier-than-thou attitude just because I never went out with you guys. Sorry but I just can't engage you guys in discussions about drama serials and Chinese songs cos I don't follow on these things. Honestly even English pop is foreign to me. Thanks go out to Daryl, Han Xu, Yangshuo and Shengli for choosing not to act out that way, even if you think similarly about me.

You know what they say, first impression's the biggest and I think I screwed that up with you guys cos of my computer addiction last year.

Thanks to Mrs Loke (you are the most friendly principal I have ever met in 14 years of school-ed) for always encouraging me and reminding me that I can do great things and perform well academically. Your smile as you pass me by the corridoors or general office is one of the fond memories I will retain of this school that has broadened the human experience for me. Keep striving to educate not cohorts but individually as the ideals of holistic education require!

God, you are the one person I am most grateful for this year. Though you appear in bits and little ways throughout the year, I know your hand is guiding me even now as I type. YOU, have put me on this Earth, in Singapore, in TJC, in COS, in YPM, in YFC, in RCLF, in whatever endeavour I have undertaken, for your good purpose. And I will trust in your unfailing love - thank you for the gift of your own Son 2008 years ago. We are still astounded that you would reach out your hand and touch this puny Earth, and each mortal life in the vastness of the grand universe. Greater than your awesome, mindblowing power, is your Love that knows no equal.

When I think about You, all the bad stuff in 08 seems like strings (string-theory) compared to you. May my songs be my response, and my life a fragrance to you.

You alone are the Treasure that I hold.

Med Screening Day

2008-04-03T04:51:00.000-07:00

Dad was really nice today..he 陪我 all the way to CMPB for my Med Checkup.

Rarr, missed Pingshun's concert but oh well, maybe another time for another event where MORE RCLF ppl will come.

The Med Checkup went without a hitch and the people were a bit snappy...efficient as one would expect a Singapore Government Department to be. I had my blood taken as well and it was quite an experience! The guy asked me to clench and release my fist, and about an hour later i realised it was the skeletal-muscle pump thing i'd learnt in Sec Sch Bio that he was making use of. It wasn't a pretty sight watching your own blood spurt into a tube but oh well. You'll know when you try it.

Don Budd, this great missionary guy, came over last Sat to talk to us during YPM about how God can use you no matter how small, insignificant, unskilled or unworthy you think you are. In fact, faith and humility are about all that God needs to use a Christian mightily. It's in knowing that while you really can't, but believing that with God's help, you can do great things for the Kingdom! It was really entertaining listening to how he related his flying experiences and he even taught a bit an aviation physics concept - G-Force.

But what was really amazing was his testimonies of how God touched him to touch others' lives. He used to be uncomfortable being around the sickeningly poor and dying, but once God showed that He loves everyone equally, Don was compelled to...(the rest is history and you can check out his site www.donbudd.com for that)

He sang too! Super impromptu and he already told us at the start of the service that he was extremely beat.

Really reignited my passion to serve the disadvantaged in society and reconsider how life shouldn't be a rat race but a building of inclusiveness, support and care in society. I believe the word LOVE nicely sums it up.

Woo..met Jian Rui's mom today on my way home from CMPB and oh man, he's taking H3 Physics! Shouldn't have been a surprise to me cos i remembered later that during first three months he'd lent me some of his Quantum Physics and Blackbody radiation reference books before. I guess it was wrong of me to 低估 him just because the impression i got from him was that he's a bit 庸俗...

Nanotech presentation is coming up soon! And I owe Ms Norsheha essay outlines...but she said my 功底 already there so actually it's up to me! Woohoo! But then again, I cannot be complacent...was reading Psalms and David emphasizes the point that God lifts up the humble but crushes the proud!

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. - Phillipians 2:3

So yup...gottA chiong HW so cya! :P

Sch Internet LAGS

2008-03-27T21:36:00.000-07:00

I'm in school now and oh are the internet connections at the hub laggy~~

Downloading some soccer vids and hopefully by the end of this post they'll be done cos I jus wanna go library and peng!! anyway, made some modifications to the blog and wrote the first post for RCLF blog some days ago so ya..

Woo...I'm so speedy with my tutorials. Have to be if i wanna start revising for As soon...JH's still planning a mugging timetable but that doesn't mean i won't mug now. With ppl like Bear and Fish chionging tutorials, it's hard not to feel the pressure.

Especially when they're way ahead of me for CLL.

Had a cohort talk today in the morning, and it's clear to see how our seniors got their act together in their final year. Well, we're supposed to be achieving better results cos our batch stock quality is better (l1r5 avg = 8.92/ senior's was 9.33) So ya...feel a need to mug.

Sam and RCLF-ers! Really wanna meet up with you guys again. Wouldn't mind a visit to my house on an April weekend. I dun think lots are going to be going for Pingshun's piano concert so ya...next best option here. Or how abt a movie? Oh well.

Sam it's so funny that when we just started conversing we were so perfectly English. Now I'm totally Singlish and not minding my spelling during msn convos..haha.

yeps. JH was really exhausted and he's not doing well. Should I be worried? But I'm not to worry for him. It's his life and I'm leaving it to him to settle things himself. So there.

God bless all my frens. :D

A Great Day

2008-03-27T04:43:00.000-07:00

IE8 Beta 1 is so screwing up my com...IE7 crashed too often and I thot a beta upgrade was the soln.

Turns out I was wrong.

Anyway, today was great! Ended up being the first guy back during PE today, with a timing of 13:34 for 3.2 km. Pretty good huh! Indeed, in God we live, and move and have our being.

13:34 was a great reminder too because i my bible reading today I read John 13:34-35 which goes like this:³⁴"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. ³⁵By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."

Mmm...so ya, God does remind His people of His Word in special ways!

Later on today I had Physics Spa today...Messed up cos' I didn't read instructions and took extra weights so as you can probably guess my oscillations were off the mark. Couldn't draw the full graph as a result. (Mr Koh, Sorry! Tried my best liao!!) But ya, managed to update Mr Koh on my project which is an EXCELLENT thing. And oh yes, I was so glad that Bear talked to me today after seeing how I screwed up the SPA. Oh wells.

Raymond tried to get me to learn to play Yugi-oH! on PSP today...not too bad a try since I've grasped the basics liao. At least I'll know what's happening when I watch Bear and him playing it and suddenly bursting into laughter....

Truth or Dare with JH, Daryl and Sylvia was nothing short of a really gd bonding exp. I was forced to confess her name though. Thank goodness only JH knows now. But darn it, he's really closely associated to her and man, if my cover is blown I think I'll have to make a firm decision on whether to choose her or not...(which I'm trying to avoid till after NS)

JH dropped Chem to H1 just today..he seems really tired..it's like the world's falling apart for him and he's too exhausted to fight back. I can only pray. Take care dude.

Got GP learning circle tml so gotta run. Till later! :P

God bless! =D

A Crazy Week God brought me thru

2008-03-26T04:21:00.000-07:00

Well, the last week had been a crazy one for me, and I admit I'd have done crazy things had my Lord not calmed my heart.

First of all, little is well in class, with so much ostracising of which i'm a cruel victim. Bear's really treatly me 冷ly..and I dunno why. It started just before the march hols and ya...now that his birthday's at the end of this month, i'm reconsidering whether i shud care at all.

Which brings me to my second point. The strangling atmosphere in class almost caused me to declare my withdrawal from the Mazarin Programme to carry out my own project individually. I felt I was doing all the work and so since my group members don't really care then I should just do the project on my own. It was my idea anyway.

But thanks be to God for showing me that no man's an island, cos' I finally decided not to stir things up. We just had our first minutes-taken meeting today and though some were surprised at the new posts I gave them, I felt relief as several responsibilities were handed over to them. That's the job of a leader. To plan, delegate and authorise.

The same happened for TT. A mixup in communications led to me on the end of some "counselling" and cross-examination by the STs, since I'm the no. 2 IC. So now that I've delegated comms responsibilities, I feel less stressed and really, there's less left on my mind.

Thanks JH and Ray for being listening ears and close convo partners throughout the year. It hasn't really helped that the family of sotongs has become sort of a clique but anyway, you guys rock!

Just realised a few weaknesses of mine:
1. I love too easily.
2. I get hurt too easily.
3. I can use com for 5-6 hours on end.
4. I assume many responsibilities that I actually can delegate!

The 4th point is supposed to mean i'm responsible and i have lotsa initiative. XD

God be blessed for His steadfast love and reassurance.
Thanks to AMY for sincere sharings during Book of James Study Session.
BTW, I found this great music-selling site Amie Street that features lots of music and gives US$5 on signup! Cool huh! :P

A Short Saturday

2008-03-22T06:57:00.000-07:00

So Saturday's over!

Well, been alone at home surviving on microwaved pizzas and oven-baked muffins.

Kimberly's parents sent me home from YPM today and gave me some bread for tomorrow!! (Thanks lots! :D)

Feli gave me the eyes when I said that being with the one you love, you'll be so overjoyed at just looking at her, that you'll barely touch your food. (qualifier: I don't speak out of experience!!)

Today's worship was more enthu! What with Becky and Estella cheering and whooping at the start of praise and worship...Gina looked glad too (GOOD!).

Was just thinking that I needed to spend more time with Joseph cellgroup. Now that I'm in Enoch, I get to spend less time with Yun and Joel, and other Josephians like Doyle and Mich.

Watched Schindler's List today. No wonder Ms Norsheha said it was R(A) in the 70s, 80s...now it's M18. But it was really shocking seeing how brutal the Nazi Germans were to the Jews in the ghetto during Nazism's glory days. The killing was so senseless and it was easy to see how the Nazis perceived the Jews as practically worthless as scum. Really eye-opening experience.

WAA! I maxed out at Burnout Revenge today!! Got like 51950 Revenge points cos my Crashbreakers were great and there were a few times I got Triple Explosive Payback. When the performance bar at the end of the race was filled I got 2 and a half bars! Wanted to take a pic but was too slow and the results screen disappeared. Rarr. But I guess God wants me to be humble *(cos He knows I'll go show the pic around and hao-lian)

Tomorrow parents will be back and I'll be seeing Sam! So glad to be able to meet ya again girl! :P

Beautiful Love

2008-03-21T07:06:00.000-07:00

Still Youtubing...mom and dad and family went out to batam liao!

went for church children min's hi-praise cum outreach and it was great! the "Freedom" dance was probably the highlight and I didn't know our church had THAT many astute, talented dancers (but only girls)!!

the most touching part for me was jabez's reenactment of Jesus carrying the cross to Calvary. Could have been the stirring music or the "Roman soldiers" who looked serious in their act, that made me feel for my Lord who suffered under the hands of those He had created.

Man, God I've failed you a million and one times. Yet you still look at me like it's the first time. (Eloquent - Sanctus Real) Rarr, I really want to be honest and pure when I'm alone and no one's watching.

BTW ppl, another beautiful Youtube vid I found. (You'd find that my fave' genre is pretty much Disney classics with Christian music in the background)

"Beautiful Love" by The Afters

Thanks to Him; some youtube vids

2008-03-19T03:18:00.001-07:00

Thank God!
Temasek Times saw the dawn of a new era, the complete emancipation of a TJCian generation from the suspense of waiting for...A-Level Results!

Sometimes when bad stuff happens at TT (like when articles go missing, deadlines aren't met, so on...) I just pray that God will help me face these challenges as He always has. And He's great cos everytime I feel like giving up on TT, He urges me on to persevere.

Haha...been youtubing and talking to rclf peeps these few days too (like sam who i realised is someone i can really talk to, peng who is ever-chatty and so on)
Here are some great youtube vids i'd like to share! Enjoy, people!

Tarzan Vid with Sanctus Real's "Eloquent"

Pearl Harbour vid with Faith Hill's "There You'll Be"

Jan is over...

2008-01-31T05:20:00.000-08:00

So january's gone by. Switchfoot came down to TJ today and Jake, my old-time friend came too! Working with ClearChannel now as I found out...How prestigious! Actually he's just a paid intern. But it's really good liao lor...should have asked him about the pay. =P

Jake invited me to play in The Cage at Kallang on next Wed but too bad...got Road Run so if I still play soccer after that then my legs would be practically busted for CNY.

MAN!!! Melody just called to tell me that I'd forgotten to get the issues for TT...and they're due tomorrow!!! So I'm really lost as to what to do...Man this is bad news. God, please help me.

What a drain.....

2008-01-23T07:59:00.000-08:00

Waaa...really tired now la! It's 12 and I've been working hard on GPP for Mazarin. Dad's told me to rest a few times liao...

Had a heart-to-heart talk w raymond today...really found out he's not as composed inside as I thought. Oh well, always new stuff to discover.

Yay! I deleted the songs I copied. I know that if I honour God with my actions and not conform to the pattern of this world, He'll lead me closer to Him. After all, Jesus said this: 'If you love me, obey my commands."

So there! Well, time to rest now! Got PE tomorrow and it's gonna be another practice run for Road Run on the 6th!

Why must they have Go Green Day on a Sunday? Sorry but church responsibilities comes first. And what about the 5-day working week policy? Shouldn't that apply to students too? 言行不一lor! :P

Goodnight! (-_-) ..zzZ

Time flies in a clear blue sky

2008-01-22T07:32:00.000-08:00

That's how time seems when things are going good!

Well, I had Mazarin "Orientation" done by this team called The Absorbent Mind (for which I skiiped church on Sat and Sun...:P) Really met people I want to respect and befriend...such a lively, lovely group! (with exceptions as usual :P) The games and experiences really bonded us and took existing relationships to a new level. We're working on the proposal now and it's gonna be centred about a carnival with a BIG record-smashing/creating event.

Man, it's late now and I should be working on homework. Did some work on slides for presentation during TT tomorrow. Really hope I can galvanise the members to be passionate about writing!

Had a moral dilemma as I 踌躇ed/徘徊ed/彷徨ed on whether to copy songs from my friend's thumbdrive into my com...finally did. It was seriously distracting my thinking while I was doing my tutorial.

Des seemed surprised today when she witnessed me "referencing" JH's maths vectors tutorial. But I self-justified by showing her that I'd tried. (Justified?) Anw hope things can improve between her and I so that I won't always feel so 不自在 around her. Goodbye and stay away, negative feelings.

Did poorly for running practice during PE today, but at least the warming up and ending exercises went without a hitch for me. I REALLY don't understand why JH and Daryl always have to be justifying why they didn't do their best or get the timings they wanted for their runs. I mean, it's over-it's over. Don't try to say, oh I had pains in where, or the weather was a killer or whatever. Just do your thing and let the running do the talking!!!

Lord, even as I continue to ponder over my action of copying music files to my com, I pray that you will show me and convict me to delete the songs. Rarr...I really want to improve my Chinese by listening to songs (it seems like a 捷径), but how I get the songs is another thing.

Then again, a 成语造句 I came across on Huayu Cool today said this: 学习一定要按部就班，不能走捷径。

Ya. Any advice Christians? I mean I really know alot of Christian ppl who feel this isn't an issue but before God, when everything's laid bare and we have to account for our actions someday, it seems proper to be vigilant and conscientious in living righteously.

I Live For Jesus.

Waaaa....long Friday in school.

2008-01-17T19:46:00.000-08:00

Today is going to be a very long Fri.....

Got back Maths test results today...REALLY BAD! Got only 3 out of a possible 20 and I'm really mad at myself for not performing even after studying...Looks like implicit differentiation is more important than I thought.

Anyway I'm gonna have Mazarin Workshop from 4-8pm so ya..homesick la! :P

Btw Mr Low's Chinese is really up-to-standard so looks like I'll be keeping in touch with Chinese even during Maths ya! Also, I got into Road Run so looks like I gotta start training. Well during the previous TT orientation sharing, someone quoted somebody that the greater your expectations the bigger your disappointment. Another way of putting it is the lesser you expect the less you'll be disappointed. But yesterday I watched the Disney movie Miracle on USA's glorious win over Soviet Union in an international ice-hockey tournament, and the US coach said that great moments are born out of great opportunities. So ya, lotsa different perspectives on success and expectations.

Rarr...Fri's supposed to be a short day but now it's gonna be so long. Oh well, so long, cos I'm gonna mug now! :)

PS: Mazarin had better be worth it. You can quote me on that.

Thank God for friends in 23 like JH and Raymond!

Great day - but lots ta' do!

2008-01-16T07:03:00.000-08:00

Met Mr JH today in LEP room at around 7.30 am. So i have another buddy who's unaffected by the later reporting time. Yay! But in the end he didn't attend class in the morn' so, oh well.

Had CLL lecture on <<药>> today. Mainly about the 背景+鲁讯's 生平事迹..and 鲁讯 turned out to be so famous (not as if he isn't!) that he appeared in WSYong's phone dictionary + sms 词汇!

GP was boring but I guess it's cos the class participation was minimal..Physics Lecture I almost fell asleep la! And for the first time ever I tried JH's jacket (he joined us later)

Lunch was kinda like bonding time with 23 to me cos' it's really one of the few times we just sat down together and talked in conversations which I got to participate in so yay! Ya, the girls were alr discussing what stuff to buy on Valentine's for their "valentines" (read girlfriends). Makes me wonder even more how girl's brains work. :P

Civics was fun with Mr Tan lor! Dunno why Van said it's boring. Anyway really saw the more 深奥 side of him and suddenly we were talking about stuff like why he wanted to be a teacher, his class blog (which I've found) and other stuff about him. Got the good feeling about having him as CT now and Ms Norsheha has passed as co-CT with flying colours so whoo! Thank God for two great teachers.

Today Melody and I held orientation for 3 J1s who came for TT. The powerpoint I did was done in a short timespan of about an hour but it turned out great and even Mel said so. I'm so glad I shined with enthu-ness as I shared about my passion for writing (and other interesting stuff the girls were very interested in - I must make a mental note not to share anything about my love-life when amongst a group of girls who will redefine the intensity of peer pressure!!!)

But I must remember that my true affirmation comes not from man, but God alone. For He alone sees the heart, the movtivations, the desires, and He knows when we've done good for good. Check out this Bible passage that I found super-relevant to the topic:

This is what the Lord says:

"Cursed is the one who trusts in man,

who depends on flesh for his strength

and whose heart turns away from the LORD.

He will be like a bush in the wastelands;

he will not see prosperity when it comes.

He will dwell in the parched places of the desert,

in a salt land where no one lives."

"But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,

whose confidence is in Him.

He will be like a tree planted by the water

that sends out its roots by the stream.

It does not fear when heat comes;

its leaves are always green.

It has no worries in a year of drought

and never fails to bear fruit."

(Jeremiah 17:5-8, NIV)

Yep. So I hope I can really be a good Christian testimony to my class and shine for God in my results. Muz pray more, read the Bible more, sing more and study more!

Time to mug! :P

Yayness Day!

2008-01-15T05:40:00.000-08:00

Today I was feeling pretty grumpy in the morn but I guess we all have our bad mornings. Thank God for people like JH (sticky buddies) and Daryl (cold joker with a warm heart) and Raymond (good listener who can tahan Daryl). In fact, the three mentioned are probably my best friends in 23. They've helped me tide over that dreadful period when nearly everyone in 23 ostracised me.

Weisiong, I guess you don't count because you're the rather cool emotionless guy who's never impressed or affected by what I say. Really don't know if I'm a friend in your eyes. But anyway I thank you for all the times you've rendered timely help to me when I was stuck at Math and Chem tutorials!! :P

Thanks Daryl for telling me that you don't hate Christianity...it's really renewed my hope of bringing you to church someday! Wadeva it is, you're a friend worth making and I'm glad I've never given up on you though you really antagonised me lots last year. God would never give up on anyone!

Ray, 真的对不起 for saying that you're jia kentang when the guy who really jia kentang was me la! Looks like I gotta listen to more Chinese songs to 广大 my 词汇 and make my 句子 more 流畅! :P

Whoa, saw Yuhan mugging homework and other studies-related stuff today. Must be his love that 激动ed 他 to 发奋努力. 加油s!!!

Haha I think I'm 学ing from my classmates to 把英语和华语参在一起. Sometimes I'm unsure during Chinese-essay writing whether I'm thinking in English or 在以华文来构思. 若我能以双语来构思，那我会搅尽更多脑汁，使自己变得更灵敏!

Ya so that's it for today...I still got a Powerpoint for TT to rush out! Can't wait to see the new PAE batch of TT writers! :P

Another day at school

2008-01-14T01:04:00.000-08:00

First I must thank Eddy for his SUPER funny Sega Rally video that brought laughter/amazement to every face that I showed it too. Nice one there Ed!

Today class was pretty average but I'm glad it's one of the few times I came FULLY attentive. We're learning this songci now about how a guy reflects on his past love that disappeared and at the time of their first meeting, it was love at 1st sight. Oh wells. I know nuts about Traditional Chinese Romance. So there.

Well Des if you're tolerating me for now it's pretty obvious but I don't dislike you for that. Logically, I don't expect you to forgive me after all the mistrust I've caused last year, but in my heart, I really hope we can be friends again. But I guess it's a fact of life that one can't make everyone like him. Only God can. Well Des, I'm definitely not tolerating you and you can look forward to a friendly, affirming smile from me anytime.

Elina! Feeling so dunno-what-to-feel that you'll be leaving soon. I mean we're not that close but I remember how you've brought smiles and laughter with ALL-THAT-drama to Joseph cellgroup. It's really my prayer that you grow as a Christian to be dependent on the Spirit and Him alone for the strength in relationships, endeavours and the works that Christ has called us to do (hint: evangelism).

Hah, I don't know if you'll be reading this but anyway, GIVE ME YOUR EMAIL BEFORE YOU FLY OFF!

Take care, sister. And may God direct your path.

Q: How does a guy with strong Christian morals live amongst people with corrupted integrity, situational ethics and self-serving mindsets?
A: Simple. He shows them what's right by living it out.

My Day: Hectic but consistent; Me: Pressed but not crushed

2008-01-13T06:19:00.000-08:00

Don't you just love that old (ok not-so-old) song by Hillsong that goes:

I'm pressed but not crushed,
Persecuted but not abandoned (by God)
Struck down but not destroyed

It's based on the bible verse 2 Corinthians 4:7-9 and I think it's really an amazing declaration "that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us." which means we depend on God for new strength every day of our lives.

How about this:

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases,
His mercies never come to an end,
They are new every morning, new every morning,
Great is Thy faithfulness O God, great is Thy faithfulness.

His mercies are new every morning! Isn't that gr8 to know? That you can wake up each morning to feel the cool breeze that stirs you from your slumber and ushers you to praise God for His wonderful creation?

The week's really been a grind for me cos' of lecture tests, unfinished holiday hw and current tutorials. And i'm STILL trying to fork out time for revising CLL. But thanks be to God who inspired John to share with us the bible verse that's kept him going even in the most hectic and busiest times: "They that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." - Isaiah 40:31

I'll admit, my body hasn't taken the staying-up-late nights and exertion during PE very well. Not to mention the various 'heaty' goodies I've had in the past week!! These have taken it's toll and I'm officially having a sore throat and runny nose. Thank God I've no cough. But hey, I think God is working through me and in me not just to change myself but to change others as well. Changing my habits, lifestyle, time-management, attitude towards others and so on.

Speaking of habits, here's one I'm working on to change this year. I am restricting myself to playing my Xbox console only up to twice a month and not overshoot 45 mins per play. It'll be good not only for my studies, but my increased commitment in church as well, which I think should be accompanied with spending more quiet time and reflection with God.

Today was pretty good at YPMS though I must say that you Sec1s are REALLY a loud bunch! But a loud bunch of joy I suppose, and I'm glad to see you guys are already so close to each other at the start of the year. That'll make things like prayer-partnership and accountability much much easier so ya, keep the high spirits up!

Siew Ho shared a great testimony today. He was, by the grace of God, free to read the Bible during office hours! He was reading Acts and Revelations. (Really admire your heart for God! I mean, I think I'd be like an ordinary person and go lim kopi or jiao liu with my office-mates if I were working!!)

Siew Ho, i totally can identify with you what it means to tear when you're reading the Bible. Sometimes God can hit us in the heart with such an awesome message that it seems like a mega-super duper-must-tell-others-about discovery. If Archimedes could run naked in the streets over discovering a simple physics principle, then how much more should we as Christians be spreading the amazing dynamite that can be found in God's Word? Think about that!

Today, Joel facilitated "Book of James session 5: How to treat people right" and Joel, you did pretty well! Just need to speak up so people can hear you clearer and so that you sound more confident. And also try to substantiate people's answers by a simple summary or reiterating the keypoint that the person was making in discussion. And regarding your choice to go Choir, I'm sure you prayed about it and it's good that the people there are like you! You'll have fun i'm sure! (Trust me, I'm a guy --- no-no-no, sorry, i mean I've been in MJ choir before so ya. XD)

Colin! Thanks SO-SO-SO much for joining us this week and Elina you did a SUPER job bringing him to church too! hey Colin, though I might not know you really well yet, I believe God brought you to our church for a reason. Stay strong in your walk with God and remember that even if you go to the ends of the earth, Jesus said "Do not be afraid, for I am with you." Let's make Elina's farewell party a really memorable one! And Moses you are definitely in charge of making her feel home in Australia. (Haha jus' kiddin --- Her bro's there too!)

Talked about Britney Spears during lunch with Auntie Mei Yoke (hereafter denoted by AMY), and about how I read that she'd been a firm God-trusting, Bible-believing girl before fame and glamour overtook her. And I reflect on how self-glorification can corrupt a person from the inside-out. But AMY (and Mo) thought something traumatic must have happened to her. Oh well, God has the final say.

MOSES! Thanks for the lift back and it was really good talking to you about my dilemma in the past year regarding PW. I'll really take your advice to heart about doing the right thing from the VERY START and not start wrong and think I can get back on the right track easily. And to be stable and appreciative of myself for the wondrous being that God has made me to be.

I've kinda realised that all the people who've said things like: "Jerome you're gonna be great for God someday" or "Jerome you're gonna rise up to be a promising young man/leader" weren't just saying it for fun. And I shouldn't have laughed it off. I realised after today's book of James session that they were affirming and appreciating me for the gifts and character that God has imbued in me and molded me into. And to all who've done so, thanks, I really respect your comments.

Wow. this has been one of the longest posts of my life. And I guess I wanna end off with a prayer to thank God and commit myself into His hands as I begin a new day tomorrow.

Dear Lord my heavenly Father,

Even as the year draws long and it's only the beginning,

Grant me the strength to overcome every obstacle in your name,

and the serenity to face life's difficulties with a hopeful smile.

Even though my classmates don't really warm up to me,

I pray that you show me HOW I can show Christ's love to them.

And teach me how to manage my time so I can serve you, spend time with you and still get those pretty As.

Thanks for never giving up on me and always listening so intently to my prayers.

Help me to be more like Jesus.

In Jesus' name I ask and pray,

AMEN!

New year, new blog, new hopes

2008-01-11T07:52:00.000-08:00

Well the new year's arrived and 10, no wait, 11 and soon 12 days of 2008 will have passed. As with all things there are new beginnings. And i'm filled with the hope that God will transform me to be a more impactful Christian this year.

I want to be pure. (not lustful)
I want to be giving. (not hoarding)
I want to shine for God. (and not keep all that gold inside of me)
I want to see lives changed because of me.

Specific Goals for 2008

Success in Mazarin Programme
Consistency in serving in YPMS
Doing 4 chin-ups for NAPFA (so that I can be at least PES-B)
Do well for June Common Test
Bring at least 2 friends to church this year
Play a leadership role in YPM Camp 08 and do it better than I did in 07
Ace my 'A's with straight 'A' (I expect great things)

Ok. It's officially 12 now and I must include one more golden rule for 08:
*To enjoy at least 7 hours of sleep a day*

Thank God tml's Sat so I can sleep in and not break this golden rule. Right, night peeps! :P